The Floater
by PaperballThoughts
Summary: Post 4x10: "Glee, Actually". Finn is told to see a therapist to help him with his recent issues with heartbreak, failure, and insecurities. Mostly centred on Finn, some Hudmel family interactions, and will follow with finchel.
1. Ch 1: Help Is Around The Corner

**I've had this idea for a while, so hopefully it's good. Might become a small multi-chapter story.**

**Set after 4x10: "Glee, Actually"**

**_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE, NOT ANY OF IT._**

**~ . ~ . ~**

**Help is Around the Corner**

This day would have been a great day for him. His mother baked him three batches of his favorite lasagna dish, his stepfather had given him a bonus on his monthly check right after giving him a whole week off of work from the tire shop, and he had just learned that his best friend was making a permanent, or more precisely, a very long and very temporary move back into town. This day would have been perfectly topped with a quiet and relaxing, much needed afternoon nap, except he had an appointment to go to.

Finn frantically tapped his fingers on the steering wheel of the car. This day marked his third therapy session with Dr. Sterling. His previous sessions had not been quite successful, fulfilling, and definitely not relaxing, at least on his part. He had five minutes left to decide whether to go inside the medical center, or to drive off, go back home, and take shelter in the warmth of his bed.

He remembers the day his mother and Burt came into his room and gave him a talk, or as others would say, an intervention. It had happened a few days after Christmas; the day after Burt had come back from his trip to New York. He was lying on his bed, flipping through his yearbook, quietly reading the parting messages his friends had written for him. He missed them terribly, he missed the old days and wished for everything to be back as they were, but he had nothing else to do, and he knew it was depressing, but he did it anyway. The moment he thought that things couldn't get any worse, his mom started to talk about how she wants him to see someone. Finn merely grunted and said that he wasn't ready to see anyone yet, the Rachel debacle was still too fresh, and getting back on the horse would be impossible since the saddle was gone. He was about to politely ask his parents to leave his room, but Burt was quick to respond to his speech, "Son, we're not talking about you seeing other people," Finn gave him a quizzical look, "What your mother means to say, is that we would like you to see a therapist."

"A what now?" Finn jumped off his bed letting his yearbook fall to the floor. His head jerking side to side as he tried to focus his eyes on both of his parents at the same time.

"Finny, you've just been so unhappy," Carol looked straight into Finn's eyes, as she stepped closer to her son to put a hand on his shoulder, "You go to work and that's all you do, _work_. Your coworkers say you don't even take breaks anymore, and from your history of working at the tire shop, your breaks used to be sacred for you. You come home eat and sleep, and from what I've noticed, you've been sleeping a lot more than you've been eating," Finn let his body drop back in a sitting position on his bed and stared at his socks, "And anyone who's ever known you, knows that you would rather eat a lot than get a full night's rest, but honey, your clothes are starting to look loose on you."

"I've also talked to Kurt and Noah Puckerman," Burt said as he noticed the quiver in his wife's lips, knowing that she was having a hard time continuing her speech, "They've told me that you don't talk to anyone anymore. Will Schuester even said something about how you decided to stop helping with the Glee club out of the blue. Your mother and I are worried that something might be going on with you, but you won't let anyone in to help."

"I'm not suicidal if that's what you guys are thinking!" Finn quickly replied, "I swear I'm not!" He violently shook his head, so much so that the details of his face started to blur, "I'd… I would _never_… Mom, Burt, I'd never hurt myself even if I felt like I was at the bottom of the world… Or even at the pit of the _galaxy_!" He could feel his mother's hand shake against his shoulder, and heard Burt come closer to where he was sitting on his bed.

"Son, we all know you're going through things right now. Your mother and I don't want to make assumptions on what it is that could make you feel so down. It could be what happened with Rachel, it could be that you didn't get into any colleges, it could just be that you feel like crap, it could be—"

"Finny, we just want you to be happy again," Carol quickly cut in, before Burt said anything else that could make the intervention a failure, "I really want to see that big smile on your face again," She brought her finger to Finn's chin and lifted his head up to face her, "I don't like seeing my baby this way… I don't like seeing you this down." A lone tear streaked her face, "Finn baby, if you don't want to talk to us, or if you feel like you can't talk to any of us, at least, please do this for me, but mostly for yourself. Please go see someone. A professional… a psychologist. We found a nice younger doctor that we thought you might like. Just let us know if you want to make an appointment, we'll be right behind you." Carol gave her son a heartwarming smile, as Burt gave his other shoulder a quick squeeze. Finn sat expressionless on his bed and watched his parents slowly make their way out of his room.

He knew he hadn't been the most joyous company but he had no idea that it was affecting his mother so much. In fact, he thought he was doing a good job at hiding his miserable state. Had he really gotten to the point where he lost control of his facial expressions? Had it really gotten so bad that others were starting to worry for him? It was true though, it's been a while since he cared for what happened to his life, his wellbeing. What with everything crumbling down in his life, what was the point of it all?

But he hated to cause his mother so much pain. He loved his mother and would do anything for her. So he made his way out of his room and to the kitchen, where he knew his mother would be found fixing a cup of hot cocoa for everyone. "Hey Mom?" he started, looked his mother square in the eyes and gave her a small crooked smile, "I'll do it." Burt, who was sitting on a stool by the island counter of the kitchen, stood up and took the mugs from his wife's shaky grasp before she dropped them. Carol walked to her son and gave him a fierce, yet soft hug, and allowed Finn to drop his head in the crook between her neck and her shoulder. She stroked the back of his head as she cooed comforting words, which surprisingly made him feel slightly better.

That's how it had all started, at least how he remembers it. They were lucky to be able to make an appointment for the following week. His mother insisted on driving him to his first session, making him feel like the biggest 19-year-old baby that ever lived in Lima. It didn't matter to him at the time, she was the main reason he was getting professional help in the first place. But after that first session, he decided that he would drive himself for the upcoming ones. He convinced his mother that maybe it was best that he do this by himself.

_You're doing this for mom,_ he thought to himself, _You're doing this for mom, so get out of the damn car and get inside the office before your third session runs out of time_. Finn turned the engine off, and quickly made his way in the office.

"Mr. Hudson! How lovely to see you today, I was starting to think you weren't coming. Dr. Sterling is ready for you, so you can just go in any time, deary." Ms. Welch, the office's main receptionist said. She reminded Finn of a much perkier, much more unorganized, and much more unkempt version of Ms. Pillsbury. Actually, had it not been for their almost twin-like physical similarities, Ms. Welch wouldn't remind him of Ms. Pillsbury at all. She would just be a very energetic, middle-aged cat-lady who wore mismatched and oversized clothing.

Finn inhaled a massive amount of air before he knocked on the door, and as the freshly breathed oxygen was out of his lungs, he opened the door to the room where he would spend the remaining 45 minutes left in his third session with the cool Dr. Sterling.

Dr. Andrew Sterling was not your stereotypical therapist. He wasn't a balding old man, nor did he have thin reading glasses hanging at the tip of his nose. There was definitely no lounge chair in sight in his office, so there was no lying down facing the ceiling as his patients talked. What replaced it however, were two reclining leather chairs facing each other. Dr. Sterling once explained to Finn during his second session that it was not fair for his patients to be comfortable for an hour of talking, while he would be stuck with a stiff-looking armchair. Finn had nothing against Dr. Sterling at all, in fact, if he wasn't his therapist, Finn probably would like the guy had they met in a different setting under different circumstances.

"Finn! You're late! What happened?" Said the young doctor.

"Ah… Well, you know. Traffic and whatnot." Finn said, shrugging his shoulders as he removed his coat and found a comfortable position on the chair.

"Traffic in Lima?" The man chuckled disbelievingly, "Come on, what really happened?"

It's been two weeks since Finn had last seen Dr. Sterling. The young doctor's friendly demeanor always came as a shock to Finn, and he knew that it would take a while to get used to it. But no matter how nice and cool Dr. Sterling was, Finn was almost sure that he would never feel comfortable sharing his feelings to a stranger. But his mother was right, maybe it might take someone who doesn't come from his comfort zone of family and friends to open up about his recent issues. Maybe it takes a stranger to make light on some things, and maybe Dr. Sterling is the right person for the job.

"I…" Finn fiddled with the string of his hoodie, secretly irritated that the left one is extremely longer than the one on the right, "I guess… Well I was just in my car really… In the parking lot… and…" He looked out of the office window and only just realized that the man's view was the parking lot, and that his car was just in the perfect angle to be seen from the inside, "I was in my car trying to decide whether to come in, or to just ditch today's session. And I think… Dr. Sterling, I'm just starting to think that maybe this was such a bad idea."

"Hey now Finn, I told you to call me Drew. Dr. Sterling is my father." Drew sat further back in his own reclining chair and asked with genuine concern, "What made you feel like ditching today's session? Did something happen over the Christmas holidays that makes you feel like this today?"

_It's your third session dummy, _Finn thought, _if you don't start talking about your problems then maybe you shouldn't have agreed to seeing a therapist at all._

"Finn? Are you still with me?

"Uhh… Yeah. It's just… I've graduated from high for…I don't know, is it six months now?" Finn looked up at the ceiling and made a show of counting the months that have past with his fingers. "Remember when I told you that I was helping with the McKinley musical production of Grease?" Drew nodded, "Well, I didn't tell you the whole story. The thing is, my ex and my brother both came to the show unexpectedly. I mean, sure, Mr. Schue gave them an invite, and so did the rest of the Glee club, but I just honestly didn't think that they'd actually come. You know, plane tickets are not exactly cheap, and they just seem to come flying back to Lima all the time. It doesn't make sense to me, but hey, who cares? They were there end of story."

Dr. Sterling wasn't quite sure what to make of Finn's somewhat incoherent speech. This is the first time Finn had openly talked about much of his problems, and this was a first for both of them. It was Finn's first time to open up about things other than his mother and Burt and the tire shop. If this is the first time that Finn talked about his feelings, then it was definitely the first time that Dr. Sterling heard him talk about any of it. "Was that really the end of the story Finn?" the young man shook his head no to the doctor, "Ok, so tell me, what happened? Really, in full detail, if you can."

"Sheesh… Full details huh? How about… How ab—well long story short," Finn sighed not quite eager to recount the argument he and Rachel shared at the end of the show in the hallway, "Well, I'll just say that, the show was great, but I may have shared a conversation with Rachel, that may have ended super duper badly. It was so bad Drew. It was like… Like I let my head do all the talking while my heart was just… My heart decided to take a dive down the highest cliff of Mt. Everest. I told Rachel that I wanted zero contact with her. I guess I was so hurt from the things happening between us, you know. Things got bitter, and recently, I can't find myself talking to her without saying something that I'll regret later." Finn played with the zipper of his sweater, pulling it up and down, taking solace in the high pitched zip-zip sound it made.

"You know Finn, sometimes it's just better to let things out of your chest. No matter how much pain it causes others. There are times when you have to let others know how you truly feel in order to get past troubled you could be going through."

"Yeah well, I just feel like I'm not getting past anything."

"Why is that?"

"Well, like you probably guessed, the no contact rule I set between Rachel and I completely backfired because, my head kept telling me that I did the right thing, that the only way to get through things is if I didn't have Rachel around. 100% no Rachel, out of sight, out of mind." He laughed darkly, "That was such a bad idea. Especially since my heart non-stop felt like it was about to explode from all these… feelings. But then… Then Christmas came around, and let me tell you; I actually successfully did my part in the no contact rule, I survived a couple of weeks of not talking to Rachel at all. But then just a couple of days before Christmas, she totally set nukes around the rule and bombed it to shreds."

Dr. Sterling smiled at Finn, proud that he was finally making some progress, "So Rachel was the one to break the rule huh?"

"Yeah. She called right after a winter recital or something like that… Then she tells me she won the show, whatever that meant." Dr. Sterling would have missed the quick smile that etched Finn's face had he not been staring at his patient, who on the other hand, has been intently staring at his sweater during his whole talk, "But it was bad timing. That was only a couple of days after I brought Glee to its impending failure. We lost sectionals. They lost sectionals, and it's all because I was such a bad mentor. If I just actually did the job and forgot about myself for a minute, I would have noticed the tension between these two girls. Then maybe I could have done something. Maybe New Directions would still be the national champs to beat this year." Finn took a deep breath after realizing that he had forgotten to breathe as he spoke, "But noooo, Finn Hudson was put in charge of Glee club, Finn Hudson leads everyone the wrong way, Finn Hudson is a failure, and Finn Hudson is such a loser he would let his old Glee Club be a loser like him."

Upon realizing how much he had actually expressed, Finn immediately glances at the clock hanging next to a child's drawing of a purple unicorn. _3:56, have I really been talking for that long? Just four minutes left until I have to go. _After discovering the time, Finn stands up from his seat and awkwardly jerks his hand toward Dr. Sterling for a shake, "So…uhh… I guess I've spoken too much already. For today, I mean."

"Finn, when you're in this room, sitting on that very comfy chair, you can never talk too much. That's why I'm here, and that's why _you're_ here. You talk, I listen, and I'm honestly here for you." He gives Finn a smile, which he hoped conveyed the authenticity of his words, "Like I said earlier, sometimes you just have to talk and talk, until you feel like you've said all you can feel. You do that so that one day, when your mind has had too many emotions to bear, you don't just suddenly explode. Alright?" He waited for Finn to nod before finishing with, "Since we're almost out of time, I want to end today's session differently," he reached for his notepad on the small, round coffee table that separated the two chairs, "I want you to remember what you talked today so that we can talk about it next week, okay? And don't you think I'll forget because I wrote it down on this post-it note as a reference!" He held up a small fluorescent-colored sticky-note paper with his left hand, stood up and shook Finn's hand with his right hand. "I'm glad to see you're making progress Finn."

"Uhh… Sure. Thanks Drew. And I guess Happy New Year? I'll see you again next week." Finn made his way out of the office, gave Ms. Welch a quick goodbye wave and trudged his way to the car. He started to make his drive back home, when he thought, _that actually went a little better than I thought it would, maybe it IS a good day after all._ Finn shook his head thinking that he might have gone a little crazier after his session. Of course it hadn't gone well. He never got to the point of anything he started to say, and well, it was just so damn uncomfortable talking to another man about his irrelevant manly feelings. That didn't matter, because next week, he'll have another appointment to go to.

**~ . ~ . ~**

**So I hope you liked it.**

**If you read it, THANK YOU. **

**Please review, comment, criticize, PM me, favorite, follow, I dunno send sugar cookies?**

**OH… And Happy New Year to all of you!**


	2. Ch 2: The Man Who Can't Be Moved

**WOW! Thank you to those who read, followed, and favorited this story. I honestly didn't think anyone would read it since it's the holidays.**

**Here's CH2, I hope you all like it…**

**_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE, NADA. THE CHAPTER TITLE IS ALSO BY THE SCRIPT._**

**~ . ~ . ~**

**The Man Who Can't Be Moved**

Lost. That's what he was at the moment. Dr. Sterling would tell him that feeling lost is just a part of life; that it is an obstacle that people have to face in order to get to where they want to be; that a person must be lost first before finding the right path to choose. In this case though, he was literally and physically lost.

Finn had been driving for the past hour trying to find the house of one of Puck's new pool cleaning clients. Since he was given a week of down time from work, Puck had invited Finn on some of his ventures, and insisted that they had to spend more time with each other to make up for their time apart. He found it strange really, that Puck would ask him for help with some of his work. Especially since Finn lost Puck a couple of clients during the previous year's summer because of his clumsy characteristic.

He had a feeling that his mother had something to do with Puck's suspicious behavior. Ever since he agreed to see a therapist, Carole made sure that Finn wouldn't go back to his newly formed habits of overworking himself, oversleeping, and reduced eating. There was rarely ever a time where Finn would be found taking a quiet nap, or be left alone anywhere, except for his bathroom visits. Since Burt was on sick leave because of his Prostate Cancer, he was home during most days recently, and Finn always had at least one person with him at home, hovering over his shoulder. He always had company during mealtimes, when Carole and Burt would usually be at work, or out of town. Carole had somehow convinced him to help her bake, which was now a regular thing between them. Burt made it his goal to watch every sport's tournament shown on ESPN, just so Finn would "watch" TV _with_ him.

Finn was completely aware of what was happening. He knew that his family was just worried, that they wouldn't let him dig another hole to hide in again, but there were times when all he wanted was to be left alone. In all honesty, he was starting to get sick of it all. Finn understood that his mother wanted him to feel better as soon as possible, but he just wanted to take everything slowly and let things gradually fix themselves. Was he not allowed to feel the way he felt, and to deal with it the way he wanted to? He just wanted to have a chance at figuring things out by himself, or at least in his case, by himself _with_ Dr. Sterling's help.

He was already having a hard time getting adjusted to speaking to a stranger about his troubles, but to have his family and friends make changes to how he chooses to spend his every day life was just too much. Other than his regular trips to the bathroom, the only times he was allowed to be alone were the twenty minutes spent in his car driving to his therapy sessions, but it wasn't nearly enough. He needed a breather, and he needed it soon before he starts to randomly snap at people.

_Some alone time would be really awesome right now,_ he thought. Then it hit him: he was completely alone at the moment, lost in a new part of town, and no one knew where he was. The last thing he wanted to do was spend more time watching Puck do his job, and no one was there to tell him not to.

Finn knew it would be a risk. A risk that he knew would get him an earful from his parents later when he got back home. Not knowing where he was stopping at, Finn turned the car to a nearby parking lot. He knew he needed a break and he really wanted to be alone at the moment. This was a risk that he knew would be worth to take.

He checked for the time on the dashboard clock and noticed that he was definitely already late to meet up with Puck. He shoved his hand in his coat pocket and shuffled for his phone. He opened up a new text message box and paused to think of a lie that Puck would believe. After much thought, he settled with:

**_[Hey bro. Can't come anymore. Watching a bowling match on ESPN with Burt. Maybe another time. K?]_**

Finn knew that Puck would see through the lie, but he also knew that it was still believable. Finn had been keeping Puck up to date with his routine at home, and how Burt made him watch the most ridiculous sports programs that were run on cable television. He hoped and prayed to the dearly departed Grilled Cheesus that Puck would buy his lie. Finn was in desperate need to have some "_me_ time". He sat in his car, staring at his phone for the longest time, waiting for a reply from Puck. When his phone did beep, he jumped in surprise making himself hit his head causing him to accidentally make his car honk. Sometimes, he really hated how his tall and gangly feature always made him so clumsy. Finn read Puck's reply, and was glad to know that he was finally off the hook. He is now free to have some time alone… At least for the next half hour or so.

Finn was so entranced by his newfound freedom that he didn't realize that his hand was still pressing the car horn, until someone tapped loudly at his window and yelled, "Son! You better stop making your car horn sing or I will call the cops on you!" He held both of his arms up to the air, looked at the man through the window and gave him a crooked smile. When the older man had finally calmed down, Finn rolled his window open, apologized to him, and convinced him to not call the cops.

When the man finally left, Finn realized that he was actually parked in front of a 50's themed diner. He suddenly had an urge for a coffee milkshake and grilled cheese, so he decided on going in for an afternoon snack. Ever since his mother had cut down her hours at work, his snacks recently consisted of cookies, brownies, and apple pies. When his mom and Burt were in D.C. for his stepdad's congressman duties, his afternoon snack was usually a grilled cheese. Oh how he missed his cheesy sandwich.

Finn sat at an empty booth at the end of the diner, and was glad to find that the seat cushions were comfortable. He took a look around the place and realized that the 50's theme was actually just a theme, and that the inside looked completely new. The counter/bar area was still shiny, the aluminum tables looked brand new, the jukebox was connected to an iPod, and the servers all wore Heelys instead of roller blades. There was a gigantic flat screen TV attached to the wall opposite from the jukebox, and each server held an electronic pad where they recorded the orders. All the technology found on the inside of the diner showed its customers that nothing in there was at least 60 years old.

Finn was glad he found a nice place. The 50's diner theme gave the atmosphere a homey aspect, but all the technology reminded him that he was still in the present time. He liked it. He liked how the whole place made him easily relax.

Finn's fascination with his new discovery got shattered when a young woman instantly whizzed toward his booth and said, "Hi! Welcome to Wilma's Heelyum Diner, my name is Karly and I will be serving you today," she paused to take a breath, which Finn thought was his chance to say his order but she continued, "And since you are new to Heelyum, here is a complimentary $10 voucher for you next visit. What can I get for you today?"

Finn quickly opened the menu to check if they had what he wanted, and said "Um… I'll have two orders of the Grilled Cheese Special and one coffee milkshake, please." He closed the booklet, set it back in its place by the wall, looked at Karly and waited for her to click on her tablet to record his order. Finn was a little confused when the young woman just stared at him.

"Are you sure you want two orders of the special," she said.

"What's wrong with the special?"

"Well… It's a little big. Big enough for two people to share it," Finn cocked his head sideways and was about to say something when she said, "Oh, sorry. It's your decision. But I'm just warning you, it's pretty big. And I eat a lot… And you also look like you would have a big appetite because I have the appetite of five men. I know, I'm a girl, I'm tiny and I look like Barbie's little sister, but let me tell you, one order of this Grilled Cheese Special is big enough to feed a bear, or even an anaconda. I swear!" She smiled at him, which he somehow found endearing. "But… You know. It's your decision."

Finn didn't know what to do. He was hungry, but not hungry enough to eat an early dinner. But he hadn't had his daily afternoon fix of grilled cheese in a really long time. He also found the girl's speech very amusing so he said, "Ok, I trust you," did he really trust her? He didn't even _know_ her, "If you're telling the truth, then I'll be fine with just one sandwich."

"Ok how about this," she tapped her stylus pen against her chin, "I'll bring you _one_ order of the special with your shake, then halfway through your sandwich, I'll ask you if you want another one. Sound good?"

"Sounds great!" Karly tapped on her tablet, gave Finn a big smile, then wheeled off to her next customers.

Finn wasn't sure what just happened. It has been a while since he had a normal conversation with anyone. A conversation that didn't have to do with small talk about pool cleaning, baking or random sports on TV, and mostly not about how his therapy was going. Ever since the intervention, his family and Puck have been carefully choosing what topics they could talk to him about. They usually tried to avoid any topics involving New York, The Glee Club, anything that would remind him of Rachel and most of all, what held for him the future. He hated it. He really missed having people talk to him like they normally did, pre-therapy style. He hated how people walked on eggshells around him.

So sharing a nice, lighthearted conversation about whether he would be able to finish a sandwich with his waitress was a nice change. He felt like his problems were temporarily stored in his parked car, while he took a relaxing break in this homey futuristic 50's themed diner. He liked it very much.

Many minutes had passed before his food finally arrived. His eyes widened at the sight of the biggest grilled cheese sandwich he has encountered in his life and understood why it must have taken so long to cook it. His shake was in a regular-sized glass, but it looked miniscule next to the cheesy plate. He let out a long whistle and started to shake his head. "I take it you're starting to believe me now," Karly said.

Finn merely grunted and violently nodded his head yes as a response. "This is huge! It's the biggest I've seen in my life! Ever! Wow!"

Karly chuckled at his reaction, and started to make her way back to the kitchen when she said, "Well, good luck…"

"Finn. My name's Finn, and thanks, I'm definitely going to need that luck."

It took him exactly thirty-five minutes to finish his plate clean. His milkshake looked barely touched since the sandwich was so cheesy that he had to ask for a glass of water. It was no doubt he was definitely stuffed. He rubbed a hand over his stomach, and was torn because the sandwich was so tasty he couldn't stop himself from gorging it down, but now he just felt like he ate a whole thanksgiving dinner meal all by himself. He felt like a whale stuck in a diner booth, unable to move. He got startled when someone slipped into the empty bench across from him in his booth.

"So, Finn. How was it?" It was Karly.

Finn parted his lips to reply, but only air came out, so he managed to whisper, "That was so good…" he let his head fall on his right shoulder, "but so bad at the same time!"

"I'm glad you liked it," she said, smiling behind her hand, probably trying to hide her laughter at Finn's condition. "You're my last customer Finn, before my shift is officially over. Are you ready for your bill? Or are you still having a hard time moving?" Finn tried lifting his head back up, but only succeeded in letting it fall on his left shoulder instead. This got him a much louder, and much less hidden laughter from the girl sitting opposite from him.

Finn was embarrassed. Never has he ever had an afternoon snack that made him feel so defeated that a girl laughed at him afterward. No, it made him feel so full that he would be fine taking a nap at the diner before driving back home. _Home…HOME!_ He jerked his head up as much as he could, given the moment, and dug into his jeans pocket to search for his phone. He checked for the time, remembering that he was supposed to be home for dinner by 6:45. He realized that he was now an hour and half late, with six missed calls from his mom, five from Burt, three from Kurt and two from Puck. He jumped up from his seat, started walking towards the exit, when he realized that he hadn't paid yet. So he walked back to his booth, sat on the bench gave Karly an apologetic look and said, "Wow, I'm so sorry. I almost forgot to pay! I almost did a dine-and-dash right there. Sheesh. What's wrong with me huh?" He let out an awkward chuckle.

"It's ok, I had a feeling you weren't that type of person anyway," she smiled toward him, "and plus, you sort of left your wallet on the table, so even if you were a walkout, I'd have all the information needed to get you arrested, mister!" Finn patted his pockets and much to his dismay, his wallet was set right next to his empty plate. Karly just laughed at him and gave him his bill.

He quickly paid for the right amount and said, "Well, that was an awesome sandwich. Thank you." He started walking back toward the door again but stopped himself, turned back to the girl and said, "Oh, and just to prove that I'm not a d-n-d who got caught, I'll be back here soon to use this," and waved the $10 voucher card she gave him earlier.

The drive back home was a lot easier and went a lot faster when he realized that his phone had a built-in GPS system. Instead of getting lost for another hour, it only took him a half hour to get home. When he parked the car in the driveway, he knew that he had to explain himself once he stepped foot inside the house. Finn was dreading it, but he knew he had to go through it. _I'm not a kid, I'm turning 19 soon, so they can't really give me a talk anymore, so why should I be scared?_ He thought.

When he got inside the house, he wasn't surprised to see that the dinner table was cleared and that his parents were quietly watching a show on TV. What surprised him the most was the fact that his mother didn't get right in his face to give him a lecture about not answering his phone. He took this as a sign that they finally understood that he felt too coddled at home, so he tells them he's home and goes straight up to his room. He was halfway through changing into his pajamas when there was a knock on his door.

"Hey Finn?" It was Burt, "Can we talk?" Finn let out a long sigh, _here we go…_ He thought, "I promise I just want to talk," Burt brought his hands up in defense, jokingly showing that he didn't bring any weapons with him.

"Yeah sure, come in." He said.

"D'you have a good day?" Burt leaned against the doorframe, not wanting to invade his stepson's private space.

"Uh… It was good. I had a good time with Puck."

"So you're saying you were with Puck?" Finn nodded. "Because earlier this evening, Puck called the house asking for you." Finn stared at his stepfather, not knowing what to say. "He said he was calling you on your phone but you never answered. So he called the house phone instead asking if you were done watching balls hit pins and asked if you wanted to have dinner with him and Artie. And guess what happened after that?" Finn avoided eye contact with Burt and let his body slump on his bed. Burt took a couple of steps into the room and stopped right in front of Finn and looked him down. "So then I tell Puck you're not home, and that you're supposed to be with him. But Puckerman says you're not with him. So tell me something Finn," his voice getting more aggressive with each new word that came out of this mouth, "Where were you today and why didn't you answer any of our calls? We were all worried about you!"

Finn knew that there was no point in trying to make up any more excuses. He had obviously been found out. Maybe he should have just told Puck the truth, or maybe he should have just talked to his parents. But instead he yelled at Burt saying, "I just… I just needed a fucking break damn it!"

Burt took a few steps back, crossed his arms and said more softly, "You can't just disappear Finn. Not with… Not with your condition—"

"My _condition?! _What condition!"

"That's not what I meant Finn. I just meant that with everything going on with our family at the moment, you can't just _disappear_ or not answer your phone or both. Your mother and I tell you countless times that we're worried about you. Then you go ahead and disappear. We were _so_ worried Finn. Your mother had to leave work early just because she was concerned for you."

"Burt… You guys just…No one understands what's going on. I just needed space! I was desperate for some fucking tim—"

"Enough with the cursing and the yelling already! Just calm down and explain yourself without yelling ok, son? Your mother is already in bed trying to sleep, and all this shouting will stress her even more."

Finn clenched his fists, let out harsh breaths through his nostrils and closed his eyes tightly shut. Burt settled himself in an armchair across from the bed, by a corner of the room. After a few moments of quiet thinking, Finn finally convinced himself to talk, "I'm sorry Burt. I know you guys have been worried. I mean… Even _I'm_ worried, but not for me, mostly for you. That's why I was kind of hoping that of all people, _you_ would understand." He opened his eyes and gave Burt a sad look and his stepfather sighed, "And you know… What _you're_ going through is even worse than what I'm going through and you don't see me breathing down your neck, following you 24/7, checking up on you all the time." Burt nodded. "And just because I don't do any of that doesn't mean I'm not worried about you, because you're pretty much my dad Burt. And you're sick for fuck's sake. And I don't want to lose you. But I still give you your space. You still get to have your quiet _Burt-time. _But me? Ever since you guys made me see Dr. Sterling, I feel like I've had a chain attached to my neck, and that there's hidden cameras following me. It's like you guys don't trust me anymore."

"Son, we all know you've been depressed. We were just worried something might have happened to you. That you might have—"

"I meant what I said before! I wouldn't just… _Off_ myself. I'm not that type of person…"

"But you _are_ the type of person to make impulsive decisions and leave. We were worried that you might have left."

"Oh." Finn looked at the floor, with his mouth open. He knew that Burt was right. He had a tendency to have stupid ideas and jump on them. He suddenly remembered asking Rachel to marry him, wanting to join the army, and forcing Rachel to leave him for New York. "Like you said Burt, with everything going on with our family right now, I wouldn't do that. Even if I wanted to."

"I'm glad to hear that, son." Burt smiled at Finn, shifted in his seat and stretched his legs, "So where did you go today?"

"I got lost trying to find Puck's new client. Then I found this diner 30 minutes away from here. It's so nice Burt, the people who work there are super nice, everything looks comfortable, and pretty new. I'll take you there sometime." He sat back down on his bed facing Burt. "So I had the biggest snack there, and I guess I just lost track of time. I didn't mean to not answer my phone though. Like I said, my snack was huge and I was just a bit distracted."

"Sounds like a nice place," Burt stood up from his chair and patted Finn's shoulder, "I'm glad you're back home safe. And first thing tomorrow, I'd like you to explain everything to your mom and apologize ok?"

"Deal. Good night!" Burt left the room, as Finn got himself ready for bed. He made his way to the bathroom across from his room to brush his teeth and was shocked to bump into someone, "Oh by the way," Burt said, "You might be getting a couple worried messages from Kurt and Rachel."

"Uh… Why?" Finn was very confused. He knew that Kurt wouldn't be worried about him since the two brothers had talked the previous day, and everything seemed fine. As for Rachel, he had no idea why she would be worried for him at all. They hadn't talked since her phone call during Christmastime and she knew nothing about his therapy sessions.

"Well, since your mother and I were worried, and we thought you might have left, I called Kurt to ask him if he knew where you were, just in case. And he might have asked Rachel too, _just in case_." Finn groaned loudly, and wished that he would have just told people the truth in the first place. _"Mom, Burt, I need space. I'm going to eat at a diner. See ya later." Why was that so really hard to say again?_ He thought. "Sorry about that. Have a good night."

Finn quickly brushed his teeth with thoughts of how Rachel might have reacted when she found out about his therapy. She was the last person he wanted to find out about his recent personal life. _God, she probably thinks I'm an even bigger loser now, _he thought. When he got back to his room, he hesitantly logged onto Facebook, worried to find any embarrassing messages from his ex.

His heart dropped when he saw that there was a little red box at the top left corner of the page, informing him that he had _one_ new private message. He covered his eyes with his left hand, only allowing a small slit between his fingers for his right eye. He slowly brought the mouse toward the notification and cautiously clicked the button. Finn let out a giant sigh of relief when he noticed that the message was just from Kurt. It read in all caps:

"FINN! YOU BETTER BE STILL ALIVE OR ELSE… IT DOESN'T MATTER. YOU BETTER GO HOME SOON CAROLE AND DAD ARE EXTREMELY WORRIED. AND WHEN YOU GET HOME, I'LL KILL YOU MYSELF FOR GIVING EVERYONE SUCH A HARD TIME!" The message was followed by multiple lines of exclamation points and it continued with, "Ok, no. I'm just worried, like everybody else. And wherever you are, you better be fine. So let me know when you get home alright big bro? –Kurt"

Finn couldn't help but laugh at Kurt's message. It was so much like his brother to deliver an overly dramatic reaction, but then ending with a heartfelt message. He replied to the message, giving Kurt a brief but detailed explanation about his short independent escapade. After finally sending the message, Finn felt exhausted and decided to sleep. He was just about to log off from Facebook when he heard the notification sound indicating that someone was chatting with him. He looked back on the screen and his face fell when he realized who it was.

It was Rachel.

For the second time that day, he felt like he was stuck on another chair, frozen on the spot and unable to move.

**~ . ~ . ~**

**So this one is a lil longer and I hope you liked it.  
If you read it, THANK YOU, I mean that.  
Please review, comment, criticize, PM me, favorite, follow, send me smiles?**

**I like reviews… =)**

**(Next Chapter will be therapy session #4)**


	3. Ch 3: The Nowhere Man

**I'm not sure if you guys actually liked the CH2 since I didn't get ANY reviews. The number of follows spiked up though! Thanks to those who follow my story!**

**Here's CH3, I hope it gets more feedback though…**

**WARNING: sorry, but this chapter might get a bit too angsty for some of you.**

**_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE_**

**~ . ~ . ~ **

**The Nowhere Man**

"Ah! Finn, come in, come in! You know the drill." Dr. Sterling motioned for Finn to sit on the reclining chair designated for his patients. "How was your week?" Finn groaned. "Should we not talk about your week? Would you rather talk about what we talked about on your previous session?" Finn's foot tapped loudly against the rug-covered hardwood floor, his mouth opened and closed as if he was on the verge of saying something, but then stopping himself before anything came out. "We could talk about anything…" Dr. Sterling extended the sentence, as if waiting for Finn to say something. He knew that something bothered Finn, but he didn't want to be the pushy kind of doctor. He wanted to make sure that his patients opened up because they chose to, not because he nagged them with questions. "Or we can just sit here and—"

"It was so embarrassing!" Finn finally exclaimed, both his hands pressed against his cheeks, slowly sliding down and making his face look melted.

"What was?"

"I know that last week you said that you wanted to talk about what we talked about in the session. It's just that this past week…" Finn thought hard about how he wanted to tell his story without missing any details, and trying to make sense. At least more sense than he did during the last session. So he just resorted to shake his head while staring at his shoes.

"Yes? What happened, Finn?" Dr. Sterling stood up from his chair, and got a bottle of water from a miniature fridge hidden behind his large framed PhD diploma. He walked back towards Finn and set the bottle in front of his patient, on the table separating the chairs.

"Ok, I'll try to say this quickly so keep your ears open." The doctor nodded. "So basically my family's been smothering me with love," The doctor looked confused. "No, I mean… Well, you know when someone you care about is sick and all you want to do is take care of them and then you just do it all the time until they get better?" The doctor shrugged. "Well my parents did that. 24/7. Non-stop. Ever since my first session with you, it's like I've been on a leash, with a camera attached to my collar, with constant and never-ending supervision. My mom even turned my best friend into my babysitter."

"Let me guess," The doctor smirked. "You lost your cool and started yelling at everyone?"

"Psh, I wish!" Finn laughed. "I really wish I just did that. But instead, I sort of, maybe just a little bit, only for a couple of hours… I kind of disappeared for a while."

"You disappeared?"

"Well, okay. I found this really cool diner when I was supposed to be with Puck. I ate a snack, lost track of time, and got home late without anyone knowing where I was for a couple of hours." The doctor nodded in understanding. "But anyway, that's the backstory. So basically, my parents started freaking out and called my brother Kurt to ask if he knew where I was. And since everyone was freaking out they even asked Rachel if _she_ knew where I was. Which, by the way, is so stupid! Why and how the hell would Rachel even know where I was?" Finn reached for the bottle that Dr. Sterling gave him, and took a big gulp of water.

"Ok, then what happened?"

"Well it was so embarrassing! That's what happened! I was so embarrassed, I couldn't even sleep for two days!" Finn stopped himself from rambling even more when he noticed Dr. Sterling writing something on a notepad. "Hey, I really hope you're not writing me a prescription for insomnia. When I say that I couldn't sleep, it's just that I was a bit stressed out… because I was embarrassed… so I'm not an insomniac. Just…y'know… Just saying."

"Don't worry, Finn, no prescriptions. If it was, I'd tell you." Finn sighed in relief. "So, tell me, why was it so embarrassing?"

"It's just that Rachel doesn't know that I'm seeing… _You._"

"Why is that?"

"Well we just don't talk anymore. And she's a student at some really awesome theatre school in New York, and here I am." Finn made an up-down motion with his arms to emphasize his words. "Here I am sitting in a really comfortable chair talking to some dude about how I can't control my emotions. I'm just some guy that she used to know, stuck in my hometown, talking to a shrink." His head fell down and Dr. Sterling was about to say something when Finn suddenly looked at him with wide eyes and eyebrows raised. "Oh my God! I'm worse than a Lima loser now… Shit, I'm a _crazy_ Lima loser, who sees a shrink." At this point, Finn had his head between his knees with his hands covering the back of his head. "I don't have a real job, I don't go to school, my family treats me like a… a dog, I'm seeing a shrink. I'm definitely a crazy Lima loser. I'm nothing. I'm never going to go anywhere with my life. I have no future. Oh God…"

"As your doctor, I can tell you right now that you're not crazy. And trust me, I've seen many crazies out there. I've seen trainwreck crazy, and you're not even close to having basic 'crazy' traits." Finn lifted his head looked his doctor straight in the eyes. "You're far from crazy, Finn, and I really hope you trust me on that." When Finn nodded, Dr. Sterling decided to continue asking Finn for details. "Other than what you've just said. What is the real reason that it's really bad for Rachel to know you're seeing a therapist?"

"Like I said, we haven't talked in a while. The last time we did was when she had her showcase and she told me she won it." Finn's lips suddenly curled upward, it was one of those rare times that Dr. Sterling actually saw genuine happiness cross his face. "I'm so proud of her you know," but the smiles never lasted longer than three seconds. "I think I'm always going to be proud of her, and I'll always be happy for her success. But I feel like I'd be happier for her if I was happy with her."

"What do you mean? Do you mean that you'd be happier if you were sharing her news with her?"

"Well, of course I'd be happier if I was _with_ her, but I meant that… I mean that I'd be happier sharing _her_ good news, if I was also happy myself. Does that make sense? Does that make me sound selfish?"

"No, not at all. You're allowed to feel the way you feel."

"Sometimes I feel like she throws all her success at my face while I have nothing going for me. And the worst part?" Finn let out a harsh exhale through his nostrils. "The worst part is that every time something good happens to her, and every time she shares it; she knows that I'm not having the best of days, but she rubs her success in my face anyway."

"Do you not like that she's successful?"

"No! That's not what I meant! Wait… is that what I implied?!" Finn was now off the chair and paced around the room. "If that's what it sounded like, then I… I take it back, because… Argh! God! Why is this _so_ hard?" He leaned against the wall where the doctor's diploma hung. "I'm happy for her; I love that she's successful in what she does but…I…Is it so bad that I want to have _some_ success in my life too? Can't I be happy too?"

"Is that the reason why you didn't want Rachel to know about seeing a therapist?"

"It's part of it, yes." Finn ran a hand through his short hair, and hesitantly sat back on the chair. "I just don't want to be that downer in her life. And that's mostly why I made her go to New York in May without me. I don't ever want to be the one pulling her back from doing great things."

"So telling Rachel about your therapy would pull her back from her success? Is that what you're saying?" Dr. Sterling made more notes on his pad, and looked at Finn confused.

"Rachel is the type of person who…Um… Well when she cares about someone, and I mean, really _really_ care, she won't stop. And if she finds out that something's wrong with that person, she's just going to worry until everything is fine again. Kind of like what my mom is doing to me now."

"So then Rachel cares about you a lot?"

"I know we're not together anymore but I know her. I don't want to sound vain or anything, but I know she still cares about me. Just like I still care about her, and I know she knows that. We're tethered to each other." Finn looked out the window and gave the sky a crooked smile. "But I didn't want her to know mostly because…" Finn looked back at the doctor. "She always has happy news and when she broke the no contact rule, it's because she had happy news she wanted to share with me." He wiped his hands on his jeans, realizing how clammy they were getting. "I just wanted to do it too. You know, I wanted the time when I broke my no contact rule to be because I had good news to share with her. I didn't want it to be about how I'm going crazy and I'm seeing a shrink."

"That's understandable. Have you told Rachel any of this before?"

Finn shyly shook his head and said, "I just really don't want to disappoint her."

Dr. Sterling didn't respond to let Finn have some time to dwell on the things he had shared. A few moments later, he checked his wristwatch for the time, and realized that they only had a little less than ten minutes left for the session so he said, "Since we're almost out of time, I've got some homework for you until I see you for our next session."

Finn groaned, but his face quickly lit up when Dr. Sterling gave him a folded sheet of paper. It looked like a piece from the notepad he was writing notes on during the whole session. He took the paper and quickly read the note which said, "_Needs to communicate with others more._" He looked up at his doctor and said, "What does this mean?"

"Ok, first of all, you're not forced to do it. Second, I just want you to try it out. From everything you've said today, it just seems like you're a bit closed off from the people around you. Your parents, your friends, _Rachel._" Finn folded the paper back and put it in his jacket pocket. "You can start with telling small things like, I don't know maybe tell your family how your day went? Or maybe you can even go ahead and tell Rachel the things you told me today. It's your choice, really. You can choose to completely ignore the assignment, or you can choose to try it just to try something different, and maybe just see how it goes?" Finn undecidedly nodded his head, not quite sure what to think yet.

"I'll think about it."

* * *

It had already been three days since his last session with Dr. Sterling, but Finn couldn't stop thinking about his given task for the week. He initially wanted to just ignore the assignment but it didn't help that every time he shoved his hands in his jacket, he felt the piece of paper, reminding him to try something different.

Finn had tried to "communicate", as the piece of paper informed him, twice during the days following the session. The first time was with Kurt. They were having one of their weekly brother-catch-up phone calls. It started off with their regular chitchat about their parents, how their jobs were going, and about Kurt's acceptance into NYADA. It was great until Kurt said, "So why are you ignoring Rachel?" From then on the phone conversation had become awkward, what with Finn refusing to say no more than single-word answers, and Kurt giving one of his "I'm not butting in your business, but I am" speeches. Kurt told Finn about how Rachel tried to talk to him on Facebook right when Finn replied to Kurt about disappearing. She told her roommate about how Finn didn't reply, but stayed online for a few more minutes before logging out. Finn thought about opening up to his brother, but felt like it should have been Rachel that he should talk to. So the conversation was just uncomfortable, at least back in Lima it was.

The second time was with his mother. It wasn't as awkward as the conversation with Kurt, but it wasn't pleasant either. There was a day when Finn finally found some quiet alone time at home to lie down on his bed, or play some beats on his drums. Except his calm bubble kept getting poked at with continuous on-coming text messages coming from his mother, who wanted to check up on him. So he decided that when his mother got home from work that day, they would have a nice and peaceful talk about giving him some space. But it hadn't worked out the way he planned it. The night had ended with a screaming match, an exhausted Burt, a crying mother, and a fuming Finn.

So far, the assignment Dr. Sterling had given him wasn't turning out so well. Maybe it was best for everyone if he didn't try changing at all.

* * *

Two days before Finn's next session things still had not improved. Trying to communicate with his family always ended badly. _Maybe something really is wrong with me. Maybe I really am just Finn, the Loony Lima Loser,_ he thought.

Finn had stopped trying to "communicate" since he hated how much conflict it always caused around his family. He wasn't quite sure how to talk to anyone without sparking up his temper anymore. What had changed him? Not even two years ago, before he graduated from high school, he had some of the strongest relationships with people. He was close with his mother, as well as with Burt and Kurt, he had great relationships with his friends, and even with his girlfriend. What was it that made him become so somber? What happened to make him feel so distanced from everybody else? For some reason everyone just got on his nerves, and there were even times when he got on his own nerves, so he'd just sleep away the day. He didn't really know what was happening anymore.

Two days before his next session, Finn decided to spend the afternoon lying on the snowy grass in the backyard of the house after work. Sure, it was the middle of winter. Sure, it was freezing cold, but he just felt like lying down, and to make his body feel numb against cold, wet snow. He was listening to a Glee playlist he had compiled when he was still helping the new kids while Mr. Schue was in D.C. for the Blue Ribbon panel.

He was about to fall asleep to a Grease song when the music stopped and his ringtone played in his earphones instead. He sat up from the grass and fished for his phone in his jacket pocket, and got irritated when he felt the annoying piece of paper inside. When he finally got his phone out, he was surprised to see that the caller was Rachel.

Finn wanted to answer the call. It had been a while since he last heard her voice, but at the same time he didn't want to talk to her. The problem, or part of it was, that he didn't know what to say, in fact, he didn't even know why she was calling. _Maybe a simple "Hi"; no that's too casual, _he thought. _Maybe I should say sorry,_ he thought again, _but that sets a really crappy mood to a conversation…_ Finn's hands started to sweat despite the cold weather. His fingers trembled as he brought it up to the phone to answer the call and settled by saying, "Hello?"

"Finn? You answered!" _God, I missed that!_ "I didn't thinking you would… I thought I was going to have another conversation with your voicemail." Finn's body suddenly warmed up as he heard her giggle into the phone.

"Oh. Heh." _What do I say?_ "Uh…So, what's up?" Finn lay back down on the grass, completely ignoring the fact that he now had wet butt stains on his jeans.

"I… You've…" Finn shifted uncomfortably at Rachel's uncharacteristic stutter. "I just wanted to tell you that it's my dad's birthday next weekend so I'll be coming back home for a couple of days." Then he stiffened, he wanted to say something but he couldn't. Was this supposed to be good news? "So, you know, I just wanted to tell you beforehand. Just so that if you spot me during the weekend, you won't be surprised or anything…"

"It's your town too, Rachel. I mean, I know you said that Lima doesn't feel like home anymore," Even with the distance he could feel her wince at the memory, remembering the exact moment when she told him that. "But it's where you grew up and your dads are here. So you don't have to ask me for permission to come _home_."

"Oh, I'm not… I wasn't asking for _your_ permission." Finn's fingers clenched around the phone, he really didn't want to pick a fight right now. "I just wanted to warn you. You know… Since you have your… things—" Rachel continued to talk but it had become partially inaudible since Finn brought the phone away from his ear. He'd had enough of people skirting around his situation. Why couldn't they just say it? Why couldn't people just say that he was seeing a therapist? _Oh, right, 'cause every time someone does, I yell at them._ "Finn? Are you still there?"

"Um yeah, still here." He whispered, trying to keep calm.

"So are you ok to meet up and talk? I really want to talk to you Finn." Her voice was so soft and sweet, Finn didn't know if he could refuse. But he thought back to his little trip to New York, how he saw Brody and how Rachel confessed the kiss. He thought back to her coming back to Lima just to break up with him. He thought back to that talk after _Grease_, and the no contact rule. The more he thought about those things the less he wanted to meet up with Rachel and talk to her.

But his left hand was still in his pocket, unconsciously playing with the paper inside which reminded him that he, _"Needs to communicate with others more."_ By this point he had memorized the note on the paper, not that it was hard to in the first place. Finn thought that maybe he _should_ talk to her. _Would it really be so bad?_

He didn't know how to respond without sounding mean, so he said, "I… Can I let you know in a couple of days? I need to think about it first. I mean… Is that ok with you?"

"Great! Yes, just let me know. I get there Friday night. So we could get together sometime on Saturday?" She sounded different, Finn just noticed. Maybe it was all that success she was getting in New York; maybe more people were starting to see just how great she was; and she was finally getting the recognition she deserved. Finn didn't know what it was exactly, but she sounded different, and it was a happy kind of different.

"Yeah. Sure. Ok. I'll let you know. Bye." He already had his phone away from his ear, and his finger close to the "End Call" button when Rachel was still saying her goodbyes.

Finn shoved his phone back in his pocket, and took the piece of paper out instead. He read the note once more, and thought, _if this communication thing with Rachel fails just like it did with mom, Burt and Kurt, then what would it mean?_ If talking to his family didn't work, then hopefully a Rachel talk would end better. Hopefully it would make things better, or at least better than their previous encounters.

He thought back to his session with Dr. Sterling. The truth was that he hated not being able to tell people how he felt without arguing with them anymore. He just wanted to be able to talk to someone, and finally get past all this darkness. But so far he was just stuck.

So far, he was just a nowhere man.

**~ . ~ . ~ **

**So that's it! I really hope this chapter gets more feedback than CH2.**

**If you read it, THANK YOU, I mean that.  
Please review, comment, criticize, PM me, favorite, follow, send me smiles?**

**(if you liked it, tell me. If you didn't like it, tell me why. Review please!)**

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	4. CH 4: The Story I Heard

**WOW! Thank you to those who reviewed CH 3! And hello to the newcomers! I hope you all review too.**

**I apologize for the delay with the updates. The school semester started 2 weeks ago, and it's just been so hectic. Thank you to those who asked me about updates because you guys motivated me to work harder on this story and not forget about it.**

**This chapter was written by accident, so I hope it's not a total disaster.**

**_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE. CHAPTER TITLE INSPIRE BY BLIND PILOT'S SONG "THE STORY I HEARD"_**

**~ . ~ . ~ **

**The Story I Heard**

Normally, when Finn woke up hours before his alarm, things didn't usually go well. He hated when it happened, most specially since it changed his daily morning routine. His morning would normally consist of a five-minute snooze after his alarm, a 10-minute shower, followed with another ten minutes to eat two slices of Pop-Tarts and brush his teeth, then ending with the 20-minute ride to work.

But this day was different. Not only did he wake up two hours ahead of time, but he also didn't feel like smashing his head against the wall for waking up so early. In fact, he felt as if the gloomy cloud hanging over his head was gone. For some unknown reason, he felt as it all his troubles were gone, and he was finally feeling like himself for once. Though he was aware of his current situation, and how it couldn't just be fixed by waking up from a good night's sleep, Finn knew he had to take advantage of a seemingly rare day. For the first time in weeks, he felt like he could do anything. Finn felt as if nothing could put him down, that no matter what the day would bring him, he'd have a good time, even if it were just for a day.

Instead of going for his routine shower, he decided to go for a quick run around the neighborhood. It had been quite a while since his last exercise morning run. With everything going on in his life lately, he hadn't realized how much he missed feeling the cold wind of dawn on his face, how refreshing it felt to feel free. He realized that he missed how rewarding it was just to sit on the front lawn to watch the sun slowly rise from its sleep on the horizon. Everything felt so peaceful. Finn felt as if his life, his current situation, that everything going on with his life was at a pause. A much needed pause, for some peaceful reenergizing. For once, Finn didn't feel lost. Everything was not lost.

Instead of his short morning meal, he shared a friendly hearty breakfast with his family. It consisted of eggs, pancakes and hot chocolate. It was nice to finally spend time with his family without having things ending with a screaming match. Since Burt was going to the tire shop for the day to oversee how the business was going, Finn asked to have the day off and promised to work a double shift for the next day. He decided that since his day had already started differently, that he would change the rest of his plans completely. He had a feeling that his day would be unusual.

He wasn't exactly sure what he was going to do yet, so when he got in his car and started driving, he was surprised to find himself at the McKinley High School parking lot. He sat for a few minutes and just watched as students and teachers started filling up the area. As he watched students drive in, or get dropped off by their parents, Finn wondered what he should do next. The downside to spending a carefree day was not knowing what to do.

Going back to McKinley was always bittersweet for Finn. This was the place where he had experienced a few of the most pivotal moments in his life, at least so far. It was in this place where he learned about his love for music, which led him to meet a variety of people who he now considers family. It was in this family where he met and experienced his first love and his first _real_ love. McKinley High was a place where he had felt some of the most joyous times in his life, ranging from hometown football wins and New Directions triumphs up to his graduation ceremony. Even though the good memories outweighed the bad, there were times spent at McKinley that he would rather forget. Those moments included the numerous arguments between friends, the failures, Glee losses, and the disappointment in discovering the truth about his father, rejection letters, and the amount of break-ups. Not to mention the Glee Club's most recent Sectionals loss under his mentoring, which he always took the blame for.

If it were any other day, Finn would have avoided going back to McKinley. Most of his recent issues all somehow floated back to McKinley, they either rooted from this place, or reminded him of certain things. But the spontaneous mood he had woken up with that morning put all those feelings in a temporary box in his mind. For some reason, his newfound feelings have sparked up an unsuspected bout of courage within him, and so he decided to enter the school's premises to pay Mr. Schuester a short visit before classes started.

Finn found that walking through the hallway of lockers, as a recent graduate, would forever be an interesting feeling. The atmosphere always looked familiar, yet felt strange. These were the very halls where he and his friends once ruled, but he knew that his time was over and a new set of kids "owned" these halls. Stepping into the hallway was like a mixture between reliving the past and trespassing private property.

He walked towards Will Schuester's office, with a noticeably uncomfortable posture. He was also proud to have successfully avoided running into people who might recognize him and want to start up a conversation. He took a quick peek in the office before knocking on the door to check and see if his old mentor was busy. When he concluded that a surprise drop-in would be fine, Finn knocked on the door three times, mustered up the best smile he could forge at the moment and said, "Hey Mr. Schue! Got some time for an old student?"

"Finn!" Will beamed. "This is a nice surprise!" He stood from his chair and gave Finn a strong pat on the back and led him to the chair facing his desk. "You haven't been by in a while. Where have you been? You stopped coming by to help with the club."

"Oh you know… I've just been…" Finn didn't quite know how to put it in words, "…busy with work and… stuff." _No actually, I was too humiliated to come back,_ he thought.

"Well, the Glee kids missed you. We've all wondered what happened with you." Will gave him a genuinely warm smile, which comforted the young man. "So, what brings you by? Are you back to help with Thursday practice?"

"Practice? But I thought Coach Sylvester took over the choir room. So where do you practice?" Finn asked.

"Actually, when classes started back from the winter break, I made a deal with Figgins. He said that since the Glee Club would no longer be attending any more competitions it wouldn't be part of the extracurricular funding. The only way we could get the choir room back, or any classroom for that matter, would be if we raised funds to _rent_ it for the remainder of the school year." Will sat back down on his own chair behind the desk.

"What? So you'd have to pay rent to use a classroom for an afterschool activity _at_ the school? That doesn't make sense!"

"School funding are low these days, so I'm not questioning Figgins' motives. But honestly, between you and me, the logic doesn't seem fair either." Will shook his head, with Finn mirroring his actions. "But long story short, we sold lots of things, like cupcakes and brownies and garage sales, and now we're back on track with regular practices. Sue wouldn't give up the choir room so we got the Spanish classroom instead, for every Thursday for an hour until the rest of the school year. It's not the choir room but it's better than nothing." Will smiled proudly and showed Finn a cheerful picture of the new Glee Club in the Spanish classroom. "This was just last week."

"That looks like fun." Finn said, still staring at the newly framed picture Mr. Schue showed him. Every single person in the picture looked so happy. Each of them held a shine in their eyes, and shared a type of happiness that Finn knew he hadn't felt in a long time.

"You're welcome to join us for our second meeting."

"I…" Finn started but couldn't think of a way to decline Mr. Schue's offer without sounding rude. In reality, he would love to go back to mentoring the Glee Club. It gave him some sense of purpose and belonging. Having people look up to him and follow his guidance was exhilarating. But ever since the loss at Sectionals, he felt as if he had no right to lead a group of kids, when he felt just as lost as they were. He could only fake so much confidence.

"I'm sure the kids would love to show you this new song they've been working on."

"I'd love to Mr. Schue, really. But I have somewhere to be later this afternoon." That wasn't a lie. Though his day may have started with happy-go-lucky spontaneity, Thursday afternoons were reserved for his weekly therapy sessions.

"Are you sure? You don't want to drop by, even for just a little bit?" Will eyed him suspiciously, knowing full well how much Finn loved the Glee Club.

"I've got a doctor's appointment. I can't miss it. I'll try to be there next time." Finn was glad for this half lie. He was technically seeing a doctor, but he was sure that his therapy schedule clashed with the Glee timeslot, so dropping by for their next practice would just be as unattainable as this day. He could have told Mr. Schue the truth, but he wasn't ready to reveal his Thursday afternoon whereabouts yet.

"Alright then. Next time." Will looked over Finn more carefully and finally noticed the difference in the young man's appearance. He had a slightly paler complexion, the circles around his eyes were heavy, hair faintly unkempt, and most of all he looked more lanky as opposed to his usual athlete's build. Will suspected that Finn was hiding something, and was about to say something about it when the bell rang, signaling that classes were about to start.

The men looked at each other, with Will's stare lingering longer than Finn's, until the young man said, "Well, I guess I better go now," they both stood from their respective chairs, filed out of the office, and bid goodbye. While Will headed to his classroom, briefcase in hand, Finn went toward the school's exit to the parking lot and into his car.

Finn slowly started to feel his surprising confidence vanish as he drove around town with no clear destination in mind. Spending a carefree day might have been the worst idea after all. He thought of what he would be doing at the moment, had he decided to go to work instead. It was only 11 in the morning, which meant that Mrs. Wilkins would be dropping by for her regular Thursday drop-ins to make every single employee in the shop check for the non-existent holes on her tires. When Finn had first started working at the tire shop, he initially thought of Mrs. Wilkins as an arrogant, hardheaded old woman. But as time went by, he had gotten to know the woman as a lonely widow who spent her time finding flaws in her belongings, just so that people would "help" and make conversation with her. It was no doubt that Finn had grown fond of the elderly lady.

Finn jerked at the loud sound of the car behind him, honking for him to move his car. He shook his head as he realized that the light was green, but even more because he was surprised with finding himself thinking about missing work. For once, he actually wanted to go to work instead of having an unplanned day off. He considered calling Puck, to have a friend join him on his day, but quickly remembered that his friend's busiest day of the week was Thursday. Actually it was one of the initial reasons why he had booked this day for his therapy sessions.

Upon realizing that there really wasn't anything to do before having to go to his session, he decided to go to work. At least he would have something to do and be productive at the same time. Since he wasn't wearing proper clothing to go to a tire shop, Finn drove home to get changed. He was just about to park his car in the driveway of the house when his phone rang. He was right about to press the "answer call" button, but stopped himself when he identified the caller as Rachel.

It was at that moment that he remembered that he was supposed to call Rachel to inform her whether he would be all right to meet with her over the weekend. He let his head fall onto the steering wheel, with his phone still ringing in his right hand, and groaned loudly. This perfectly beautiful day had definitely taken a sour turn. _Ahhh, how the fuck did I forget to call her_, he thought as his phone still continuously rang, with him having no intention to answer the call.

The pounding in his heart subsided when the ringing had finally stopped. A couple of minutes later, right when his breathing had calmed, his phone rang again, but this time it was only to notify him of a new text message. Finn undecidedly opened the text, and his facial expression grew more confused as he read further into the message.

**[[ Finn, it's Rachel. I know you ignored me because I can see you in your car holding your cell phone. Please answer your phone next time I call? :) ]]**

Finn's phone rang for a second time before he even got a chance to check his surroundings. He didn't even have time to look outside his window, or towards the rearview mirror to check if Rachel _really_ was close-by. Just as he predicted, the second caller was indeed Rachel. This time though, he answered the call without missing a beat and said, "Rachel? Where are you?" He was just about to open the car door when she replied.

"Don't get our of the car yet." The tone of her voice showed no signs of being mad, but it held a quality that he could not decipher, at least not through a phone call.

"Rach, are you really close to the house, or is this some really bad prank. Because honestly… I don't think this is funny." Finn wasn't sure what was happening. What he was sure of, though, was that he wasn't ready to see Rachel yet. He wasn't sure what to think of the situation. Would he be happy to see her, or would he be annoyed that she just dropped by on him, without letting him know of her arrival. He was still trying to decide what to feel when he heard a soft tapping sound against the passenger seat window.

Finn still had his phone pressed against his ear when Rachel, who had clearly already hung up the phone, started to climb into the car. "Hey," she said, giving him a small gentle smile, or at least what he thought looked like a sympathetic smile.

"Rachel," he whispered, "Wha… um, what the… What are you doing in Lima? No wait actually, what are you doing in my car? Where did you… Are you—What's going on?"

"Wow, it's weird being in this car again. The last time I was in here, you were driving me to the train sta—"

"Rach, can you not… can we not talk about that right now?" Rachel stopped herself from saying anything more when she noticed Finn violently shake his head with his eyes closed. "Maybe you can just… tell me why you're here?" _I cannot believe this is happening right now_, he thought. Finn fidgeted in his seat so much so that it was evident how uncomfortable he was getting with the current situation.

"I'm sorry. I should have called first. I can come back another time." She softly muttered incoherent words to herself as she made her way out of the car. Finn was left speechless, _what the hell just happened,_ he thought. Had Finn not been so surprised with Rachel's arrival, he would have let her go and called her the next day for an apology. But since the circumstances were different, he knew that he couldn't just let her leave without an explanation.

" Rach!" He said as he sprinted towards her down the driveway. "Do you want to maybe—You know, it's cold outside, so maybe you want to have coffee inside, and warm up a bit… We can go in… So that, you know, maybe we can talk?" Finn still wasn't sure what he was doing. Inviting Rachel for a cup of coffee was definitely not in his plan for the day. In fact, he had no plans to talk to her at all. Then he remembered the reason why he went back home in the first place, he had no plans at all. The lack of plans he had that day only led him to go to work instead. So far, everything about his day was unusual.

The walk towards the house held such a palpable tension that the two marched to the door with a clear distance away from the other. Finn tried to control his breathing to a calm pace, but lost the rhythm when Rachel walked past him as he held the door for her. Though Rachel knew where the kitchen was, she thought it would be more appropriate to wait for Finn to lead her there. She looked around the house that she had once started considering as her second home. This place held so many unforgettable memories for her, and stepping inside as an _ex-girlfriend_ felt strange.

"So, coffee or tea?" Finn asked her with an emotionless face.

"You have tea even when Kurt's not here?" Rachel was shocked. From what she knew, Carole and Burt were regular coffee drinkers, while Kurt, though he loved his daily coffee intake, preferred drinking a soothing chamomile tea at home. And if her memory was correct, Finn held no preference to either. He was more of a hot chocolate type of man.

"Oh, well Burt's home a lot these days, and Kurt apparently read something about how coffee isn't good for cancer patients. So he's been demanding that Burt should stop drinking coffee. The closest that Burt gets to having caffeine in the morning is by drinking breakfast tea." Finn was surprised with himself. He was actually able to say complete sentences without stumbling over some words. "So we have a whole bunch of breakfast tea, we have some chamomile, and some of these weird flavored ones. And of course, there's coffee." Finn spread all the choices across the kitchen's island counter and waited for Rachel to choose.

"I'll have coffee please." She watched Finn as he prepared fresh coffee from the machine and was surprised to see him take out two coffee mugs by the coffee machine. "You drink coffee now? I thought you said it tasted like dirt?"

"Yeah well. It's kind of an energy boost don't you think? It helped me big time when I was still helping the Glee Club and working at the same time. I guess I just started liking it." Finn didn't know what was happening. By this point, if he were having a conversation with someone else, he would have either found a way to get out of it, or started a yelling game with the person.

But talking to Rachel was different. Even if he knew that they were clearly distanced from each other, he somewhat felt calm about the whole situation. Despite the fact that Rachel's arrival was completely unannounced, he wasn't feeling any growing rage boil within him. He chances a glance at Rachel and catches her staring at him. _How long has she been staring,_ he thought. Finn averts his eyes back to the coffee machine, and regrets having offered her a drink at home. They could have easily driven to the Lima Bean, or to the nearest Starbucks. But now they were just stuck in the thickest silence, patiently waiting for the drips of the coffee machine to become more continuous.

Finn quickly realized that watching the coffee slowly drip from the machine was no help at all. In fact, it made the whole situation worse, but he couldn't look anywhere else. He knew that the moment his eyes left the machine, they would just land back on the girl sitting by the counter. He would either have to look at Rachel or place his eyes elsewhere and make it look like he was avoiding her gaze.

He wanted to start a conversation to distract them both but didn't know what to say. He had no intention to start a talk of old memories, nor discuss their most recent encounters. Finn wasn't in the proper mood to pick on fresh wounds, and he certainly didn't want to argue with Rachel at the moment. He didn't want to ask about New York either; what if she was seeing a new guy? Brody maybe? But most of all, he didn't want her to be the one asking questions. Finn knew that she had thousands of questions concerning his therapy, and she was the last person he wanted to have that conversation with. Finn's mind filled with similar thoughts, and before he could stop himself he looked toward Rachel and said,

"So… The no-contact rule didn't last long, huh?" Upon realizing what words had just slipped from his mouth, he had a sudden urge to smack his head repeatedly against the edge of the granite countertop.

"Yeah," She smiled, "I take full blame for breaking the rule."

"Yeah, I guess." He grinned her way and added, "Congratulations again, by the way. On your show thing… That you called about."

"It was the winter showcase," she replied, "I don't think I would have slept through the night without telling you about it. Even with the no-contact rule you imposed, I just couldn't… I wanted to be the one to tell you about it." Finn love to see her smile, no matter what the circumstances were between them. But there was something about this particular smile that felt off. Finn noticed that she kept twiddling her fingers, and that her eyes did not match her smile.

"Thank you for telling me about it." Though news of her current success was hard for him to take these days, he still cared about her enough to still want to be well informed about the goings on in her life. Once again, words meant for the confines of his mind had slipped out of his mouth, "I wish I could have been there to see you win the whole thing." Finn hated that when it came to Rachel, it was harder for him to keep his thoughts to himself. There was something about her that made him feel like he could say anything.

"Finn can I just ask," Rachel finally says after a long moment where the two just smiled at the other. "I just want to know… What happened?" And there it was, the pitying looks he so thoroughly disliked.

"What… uhh… what do you mean?" Finn stared at the center of the counter because seeing that exact facial expression on the girl he almost married was harder than he thought it would be.

"It's just… You did great with Grease. I know we had our little thing after the show, and then we had the no-contact rule. But the whole production was a success, the show as a whole was well done. It really was, and I'm proud of you for it." She beamed at him, but he could still feel a strong sense of pity emanating from her body language.

"I… Ok? Thanks?" Finn never knew what to believe whenever people looked at him that way yet still found a way to praise him.

"Through the stories I heard from Kurt, it sounded like you clicked with the new glee kids, that you actually helped one of them to get the proper assistance for his dyslexia. All that, all those stories I heard sounded amazing Finn."

"Did Kurt also tell you how I made the team lose at Sectionals?" Finn's calm resolve started to slowly fade away as the conversation grew tenser. "That doesn't sound so amazing to me." He scoffed.

"Quinn and Santana told me what happened. They said it was a girl named Kitty who pushed Marley to purge. You couldn't have known that something like that was happening. It wasn't your fault." Her insistence was starting to irritate Finn so much so that he started to pace around the kitchen, completely forgetting about the freshly brewed coffee.

"No… I know that… But, as you know… As the Glee club's new sub-coach, leader person thing replacing Mr. Schue while he's gone. Basically I… Mr. Schue trusted me to lead the glee club. As the new leader, I should have read the rules and guidelines for the competition." He had now found himself leaning against the wall opposite from the counter where Rachel was seated. "If I knew the rules, they probably won't be disqualified right now."

"Do you think knowing the rules would have made a difference?" She gently asked, remarking the change in Finn's attitude. Rachel stayed silent to let him reflect for a moment. Finn let his body slide down against the wall to peacefully mull over her question. When he finally nodded, she continued, "Imagine if it was one of us; imagine the old gang on stage, and one of us passed out mid-performance." He slightly cringed as he watched her walk towards him.

"Rach, I don't… I'm really not in the mood." He said, as she sat close to him on the floor, leaving a foot of space to separate them.

"Just hear me out ok?" He didn't want to hear the rest of her analogy, but he nodded his head anyway, "So if one of us fainted during a performance, do you really think Mr. Schue would have made the rest of us stay on stage, while one of us was sick?"

"Yeah, probably." He said, but quickly thought, "He would have tried making us stay on stage."

"But?" Rachel started to smile, sensing that Finn was finally getting her point.

"But we probably wouldn't have listened anyway. I mean, I can't talk for everyone, but if it was my teammate who fainted, I wouldn't want to continue performing." Finn could only muster up a half grin as he slowly started to understand Rachel's argument.

"Even if you knew the rules Finn, the other glee members would probably stop performing. They understand that the glee club is a family. Just like how we felt it was with the old gang." She risked giving him an elbow nudge and was glad that it received an even bigger grin from the man sitting close to him.

Finn thought back to the times when his family tried to convince him that the Sectionals loss wasn't him fault, and how he didn't listen to any of their advice. He thought back to how he brought his own spirits down so low because he blamed himself for leading the New Directions to failure. He thought back to those times when he constantly repeated to himself that he wasn't capable of leading a group of young people, when he couldn't even lead himself to a good future. But something about the way Rachel saw the story made him see it in a different light too. Her sense of optimism was infectious, and Finn started to feel his spirits brighten. Her presence alone helped him somehow, but he couldn't put a finger as to why that always happened when she was around him.

"So, you still didn't say what you meant earlier…" He looked toward her quickly losing the happier mood he just felt. "What did you mean by what happened?"

"Well, to be honest I just don't understand what happened with you. When I found out about how you started seeing a therapist," Finn stiffened at her mention of the sessions, "I asked Kurt to fill me in on you, since we had the no-contact rule and so—"

"The rule you already broke, way before you even knew about my therapy." He scoffed, to which she responded with an equally fierce sneer.

"You knew I already broke the rule, so you could have called too!"

"I made the rule! I wasn't just going to forget it because you broke it. I meant the rule when I said it." _I meant it at the time,_ he thought. Finn stopped himself from saying any more unnecessary remarks when he noticed Rachel close her eyes and take a deep breath.

"Let's not talk about that right now." She said, as calm as she possibly could, "Right now, I just want to know what happened."

"And I still don't get what you mean by that." He stonily replied.

"Kurt told me that you stopped helping the glee club after Sectionals. He told me how one day, you stopped calling him, and that your parents said you were closed off. From what I heard, they said that you just shut yourself out. And I know you Finn, I know you're not a quitter." She paused to look at him. "I know you wouldn't leave anybody hanging just because you lost one competition, you'd do the complete opposite. The Finn I know would have tried his best to keep things going, despite the losses. So please help me understand; what happened during the time between Sectionals and New Year's that made you feel like this." She looked deeply into his eyes, desperate to find some answers. Finn, overwhelmed by the substance of her question, shifted his eyes to stare blankly ahead of him.

He was taken aback by Rachel's direct reasoning. Unlike the rest of the people who knew of his therapy sessions and of his current situation, Rachel had bluntly asked him the one question that he has brooded over the past couple of months. It was the one question that others avoided to ask him, and the one question Dr. Sterling tried to ask, without being too straightforward. But having Rachel say the words out loud did not surprise him at all. In fact, he had expected this from her, which is the main reason why he did not let her know about his therapy.

He couldn't be mad at her for asking him, because if the roles were reversed, he would have asked her the same thing. The problem was that if she asked, he couldn't lie to her. She knew him too well and he would be quickly caught even with a tiny lie. But the truth was that he didn't have an answer. The truth was that he asked himself the same thing over and over again, and he was always left with an empty, unknowing mind. His own conscience couldn't even give him answers. If he had a hard time coming up with an answer to quench his own thoughts, he definitely couldn't gather anything to reassure Rachel's worries.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, not realizing how much time had passed. The freshly brewed coffee was never served and was no longer fresh. Finn stayed on his spot, with a statuesque expression, while Rachel stood to sit back on one of the counter's stools. Finn was grateful for Rachel for not obliging him to answer. Instead she just watched him think and waited for him to speak up.

"Finn, you don't have to answer." She finally said, seeing that he was having a hard time, "I mean, if you can't answer… You don't hav—" Rachel was cut off by the loud sound coming from Finn's phone. His eyes widened as he was awakened from his thoughts, remembering his plans for the day.

He jumped up from the floor, grabbed his jacket and wore his shoes. Rachel followed him with confusion written all over her face.

"I'm sorry… I…" He started to say, "I completely lost track of the time and… Well, I kind of gotta be somewhere right now."

"Oh." Was all she could say, but she couldn't stop herself from feeling hurt.

"No, no. I'm not running away from the conversation, it's just that…" Finn really didn't want to say it, but what good will it do if he lied? "I have a session today."

"Oh my God!" Rachel clamped a hand over her mouth, "You're not… You didn't miss it because of me, did you? Or are you late for it?" She frantically closed her jacket and headed for the door.

"What? No! The ringing on my phone… that was a reminder." He walked to the car and opened the door, "I just didn't know what time it was, you know… turns out we've been talking in there for a while." He half-grinned again, "Maybe we can finish this some other time? When do you go back to New York?"

"I leave late Sunday afternoon." She said as she checked her phone, "I can see you on Saturday? The day I was supposed to meet you? Is that okay?"

"Yeah that's good. Just text me when and where, and I'll see you then." He smiled.

"I'll see you then." She smiled too.

Finn and Rachel stood on the Hudmel driveway staring at each other, not knowing how to end the conversation. Should they hug, or shake hands, or has their strained relationship gotten to the point where their goodbyes end with a friendly wave? What happened instead was worse.

Finn held his hand up for a shake, while Rachel brought her arms up for a hug. When the moment registered in their minds, they reversed their actions. Rachel went for the shake, while Finn resorted for the hug. They both laughed at their actions and silently agreed to a short nod and wave instead and went their separate way.

_Well, this is going to be an interesting session_, Finn thought, as he quietly drove to his appointment.

**~ . ~ . ~ **

**I just wanted to say that this chapter was totally unplanned. I had a whole other idea for how CH 4 was going to be, and it had nothing to do with Rachel appearing out of the blue.**

**So despite all that, I hope you liked it.  
If you read it, THANK YOU very much!  
Please review, comment, criticize, PM me, favorite, follow, send me smiles?**

**Tell me if you liked it. Tell me why you ****_didn't _****like it. Tell me what you thought about the newest episode (I thought it was good, but I don't condone how Glee and Fox stole ideas from JoCo. Tsk tsk!)**

**NEXT CHAPTER: Same day, but mostly about the session following the talk with Rachel.**

**I like reviews… =) PLEASE =)**


	5. Ch 5: Twisted Logic

**This is my long overdue chapter update. I apologize it took this long. I hope you enjoy this one.**

_**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE. CHAPTER TITLED INSPIRED BY COLDPLAY'S SONG WITH THE SAME TITLE**_

**~ . ~ . ~**

**Twisted Logic**

Finn found himself to be unusually clumsier than usual on his way to his appointment. Normally, the awkwardness would come from his dislike of having to go to these sessions in the first place. He would typically arrive with a set of slumped shoulders paired with feet dramatically dragging on the floor as he made his way to the corner chair in the waiting room. This was then followed by the occasional huff of annoyance at arriving early. The finger (or sometimes foot) tapping would then ensue until he was called in for his turn to "talk".

However, since he was still quite startled by Rachel's unexpected arrival, the level of his clumsiness reached an all time high. It all started when he and Rachel shared the most awkward goodbye, and Finn regrets not giving Rachel that hug she had initially offered. _Why the hell would you give a handshake to someone you almost married,_ he thought. Finn didn't think he could possibly embarrass himself even more for the rest of the day, until he arrived at the medical center.

Although he was familiar with the schematics of the building, what with having to visit the place on a weekly basis, Finn tried to push the entrance door five times when it was clearly marked with a "_Pull Door"_ sign. He didn't stop until a security guard, donning an irritatingly sympathetic look, rushed to his aid and opened the door for him. He thought that was the last of it, until he reached the waiting area of the doctor's offices, where he tripped on his feet and fell face first onto the moldy-looking carpeted floor.

Finn groaned in pain, tried to open his eyes, only to see two blurry silhouettes gradually come into. He couldn't figure out who they were, until a panicky feminine voice spoke, which he guessed would have come from Ms. Welch, the office's main receptionist.

"Mr. Hudson! Mr. Hudson!" She said in what sounded to Finn like a worried tone, "Are you alright?"

Once Finn's sight finally became clearer, he could see Dr. Sterling and Ms. Welch kneeling next to him, and simultaneously helped the young man up on his feet. Finn immediately looked around the waiting room, and was relieved when he discovered that the only people occupying the area were his doctor, the receptionist and himself. He couldn't imagine how humiliating it would have been if there were more people around to notice his fall.

As soon as he regained control of his footing, Finn said, "Wow, I'm so sorry about that. I…" he chuckled, "I literally just tripped on my feet," he laughed harder, his face almost acquiring the color of a tomato, "You know when you're just walking, and your foot goes in front of your other foot," his hands gesturing to an invisible diagram in the air, "but then both your feet don't land where they're supposed to, and all of a sudden… BOOM!" Ms. Welch squealed in surprise, "You trip and fall." Finn was no longer laughing hysterically, instead he just stood and swayed side to side and stared at the wall behind the receptionist's desk, intentionally avoiding eye contact with the other two. "Uh… So yeah. Sorry about that."

Dr. Sterling carefully scrutinized Finn's odd behavior and said, "Finn, why don't you go into my office and make yourself comfortable on the chair. I'll be right behind you." Once his patient was out of earshot, the doctor turned to his receptionist and said, "Elaine, can you please reschedule my lunch appointment? I think the young man in my office needs more attention."

"Andrew, I don't think your father will be happy with—"

"Please Elaine? I think I'm finally going to get somewhere with Finn. Just tell my dad that I have the flu or something…"

"Fine, I'll deal with your father, but you'll owe me an extra day off, kid!"

"Thanks Elaine," Dr. Sterling grinned and giddily made his way into his office. Once there, he went straight to his desk to grab Finn's file and quickly skimmed it over before officially starting the session. He looked over to his patient and was not surprised to find him staring at some invisible object on the windowsill. "Finn, how are you feeling today?" The young man looked up and blankly faced his doctor, "You seem to be a lot more agitated than usual. What's going on?"

Finn slowly opened his mouth to speak but there was not a decibel of sound to be heard. He stayed that way for a few moments, with his mouth hanging slightly agape, until he finally said, "Rachel."

Dr. Sterling let the word float around the room for a bit, expecting Finn to say more. When he realized that he wouldn't say anything else, the doctor said, "What about Rachel?"

"She's in town." Finn sat straighter on his chair, leaned forward and sharply whispered to the doctor in mock surprise, "And I _saw_ her!" Suddenly, Finn lost all traces of discomfiture, acting like a completely different person to the young man who, not long ago, took a dive into the waiting area.

Dr. Sterling was somewhat taken by surprise at Finn's abrupt change of moods. After taking note of the latter observation, he asks, "Did she see you too?"

"No. Well, yes. Actually, she came to see _me_…" Finn sat more comfortably on the chair.

"Oh, I see. How did that go?"

"It was weird. No, it was awkward. But then it was also nice. Except I didn't know about it, so I was scared at first. So I guess it was… Fine?" Completely oblivious to his doctor's puzzled expression, he continued, "Yeah, it was nice actually. But definitely weird."

"I'm sorry Finn, I don't quite follow. What do you mean exactly?"

"Well it was… Ok, it was like… You know when you have a toothache?" He waited for a nod of understanding from the therapist, "When I saw Rachel, it was like having a toothache. Normally, when your tooth hurts for a long time, you go to the dentist right? But by the time you go to see the dentist, the pain is gone. So you just look stupid at the dentist's office."

Knowing that Finn wasn't done with his strange analogy, Dr. Sterling smiled and said, "Yes, it happens to me all the time."

"Exactly! So then the dentist looks at your teeth anyway, and then they find a cavity. You know? You go there for the pain, but when you get there, it's gone, ant then they still find something wrong with you." Finn nodded excitedly, while Dr. Sterling tried to make sense of the example his patient attempted to explain.

"So, are you saying that Rachel is the toothache? Or the cavity?"

"I think she would be the toothache."

"So are you implying that your encounter with Rachel had similar sensation to that of a toothache?"

"Kind of?" Finn was starting to look unsure of himself, "I don't know, I don't even think it made any sense."

Dr. Sterling ached to tell Finn that his dentist analogy could actually be a great example to explain his situation, but he preferred to have his patient figure that out for himself. All he could do at this point was to hopefully lead Finn to the right direction. "No, no. It makes a lot of sense."

"Well, I guess if Rachel was the toothache it would make sense." Finn grimaced. "I don't want to say it but… I guess in this case she'd be the pain that comes and goes." Dr. Sterling quickly made notes on his pad and kept quiet to let Finn think aloud. "But that's not how this morning went though," he quickly added.

The doctor, hoping to continue on with the dentist analogy, silently hid his disappointment with the swift change of topic. Personal sentiments aside, he keeps Finn talking by saying, "How did your morning go Finn?"

"Honestly, I already felt that something was off when I woke up early." Finn went on to explain how his morning routine had been entirely altered when he had first woken up. He recounted how he felt amazing, and how his problems had all somewhat vanished, so he took advantage of it. "Then I went to McKinley, saw Mr. Schue, then it went downhill from there. I just felt like shit going to the school and I don't think I even wanted to be there at all, but I ended up there anyway." Finn shrugged his shoulders in apparent defeat. "Talking to Mr. Schue was so hard though. I mean, I don't think he knows about these sessions, but… I have a feeling that _he_ has a feeling about all this."

"Would it really matter that much if people knew about your therapy, Finn?"

"Well, yeah! I have a bit of a reputation to uphold. Plus those new Glee kids look up to me now. Imagine how disappointed they'd be if they found out? God, I don't even want to think about it…" he shook his head in disbelief.

"What about Rachel? How would you feel when Rachel finds out?"

"Actually, she already knows." Before Dr. Sterling could say anything, Finn quickly said, "She found out from my brother. Part of the circumstances of my whole disappearing act from a few weeks ago."

"Oh, I see." The doctor flipped a couple of pages on his pad and checked a box from a list, "How does that make you feel?"

"It was embarrassing. Relieving. Confusing. Annoyed at Kurt for telling her before I could do the job myself." Finn shrugged once again, "I have so many feelings about it, the list could go on and on."

"That's understandable. So then what happened when you saw Rachel today?"

"It was all just so surprising. I didn't know she was coming today. I mean, I knew she'd be in town for the weekend, but she was supposed to get here tomorrow. So when I drove back home from McKinley, she surprised me instead by appearing at my driveway."

"That explains your shock." Dr. Sterling relaxed his grip on the pen he was holding, pleased to finally getting some sort of explanation for Finn's earlier behaviour.

"It was weird though. I loved that she was there, but at the same time I hated that she was there." Finn backtracked and said, "I know that doesn't make sense but, I'd be back to explaining it again with the toothache and the dentist." He chuckled. Dr. Sterling grinned and urged Finn to give the analogy another try. "Recently, Rachel comes and goes, kind of like the pain of the toothache. So then I go to the dentist to get the tooth fixed, but I also feel like Rach is the dentist, she's able to make me talk and _fix_ things. But no one likes to go to the dentist, which is exactly how I felt when I saw her, I didn't feel up to it." Finn pauses to take a huge breath of air and continues, "But then again, dentists are the ones that find cavities for you, so that they can fill it to make the pain go away. For this situation, these days Rach feel like the dentist who finds the problem, but then she's also the cavity. Does that makes sense?"

Dr. Sterling, astonished with his patient's unintentional progression, noticed the time on the clock and made his last few remarks before ending the session. He settled the paper and pen onto the coffee table and said, "Yes Finn, it makes sense. Had you said it to another person, the whole thing might have sounded confusing but to me it was completely understandable. I think what you were trying to say is that at the moment, Rachel is the person who can help and worsen you current situation at the same time. Despite the fact that she can help you in any type of situation, she is still part of the reason why you are currently seeking my help."

"Yes! That's exactly it, Drew! The bigger dilemma now though, is that she wants to meet up again on Saturday, and I can't figure out whether it would be a good idea or not. I mean, I really want to see her again before she leaves for New York, but… You know.

Dr. Sterling stopped talking in order to let all emotions simmer down and to bring an end to the session. "Finn, I don't think you quite realize how much progress you've made today. You may not understand it yet, and it might take you a few more sessions to see what I mean, and even though you don't realize it yet, I'm very proud of you." Finn gave his doctor an shy smile, "Before we end today's session, I want to give you your next assignment for the week, and I think you might find it useful for your next meeting with Rachel on Saturday."

The doctor handed Finn a neatly folded page, got up and led his patient to the waiting area. After sharing a quick goodbye, Dr. Sterling watched his patient quickly trudge to his car and turned to face Ms. Welch who had spoken, "Was it worth skipping lunch with your father, Andrew?"

Dr. Sterling smiled widely and confidently replied, "Definitely."

**~ . ~ . ~**

**Again, I'm so sorry this chapter took forever to post. My semester has been brutal and it's not even done yet. Actually, the workload will just get worse until my current semester is done AND the end of my summer session at university which won't finish until end of June.**

**So, if you would like me to post the next chapter before my finals and the summer session come, let me know and I'll get it done. But if no one says anything or only a couple people say something, I won't be posting a new chapter either until May or June.**

**If you read it, THANK YOU very much!**

**Please REVIEW, comment, criticize, PM me, FAVORITE, FOLLOW, send me smiles? Maybe say hi? Tell me if you liked it. If you didn't, tell me why you _didn't _like it.**

**NEXT CHAPTER: Second meeting with Rachel.**

**I like reviews… =) PLEASE =)**


	6. Ch 6: Lovers Who Uncover

**Get ready for the "talk" with some fluff, angst, and anger. Please forgive the long monologues. This will be good, I PROMISE! =)**

**_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE. CHAPTER TITLE TAKEN FROM THE LITTLE ONES'S SONG OF THE SAME TITLE, BUT NOT BASED ON THE SONG MEANING._**

**~ . ~ . ~ **

**Lovers Who Uncover**

Saturday came faster than Finn wanted it to. In all honesty, he wanted nothing more than for time to slow down its course just so that he could compose his thoughts before meeting up with Rachel. Thursday's events were a blur to him, though it was just two days ago. What with Rachel's sudden arrival, Finn barely had time to let the incident sink in. Friday flew by just as quickly as Thursday, and before he knew it, it was Saturday and he was sitting in the most secluded corner booth at The Lima Bean, waiting for Rachel to come. His foot tapped anxiously under the table, and his breathing hitched every time the door to the coffee shop opened. To keep his thoughts occupied, Finn played with the piece of paper that Dr. Sterling had given him, which read:

_"'What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.' –Ralph Waldo Emerson"_

Finn still didn't know what the message meant. He spent most of his Friday night attempting to decrypt his therapist's supposed advice. He ended up waking the next day on his bed wearing his work clothes, somehow still holding on to that damn cryptic advice. It was safe to say that he had no idea what Dr. Drew was trying to tell him through Emerson's quote. So, he was left with nothing but a piece of wisdom scrawled on a tiny sheet of paper, and it meant nothing to him. Finn was now set to meet Rachel with no advice whatsoever, and he was honestly scared for what he was about to endure. If anything, Thursday's events was an example of how easily flustered Finn could get around Rachel. His uneasiness rooted in the fact that he not only loved her, but because she also intimidated him.

Finn was so engulfed with the thoughts in his head that he didn't even notice Rachel enter the shop. He only snapped out of his trance when a flash of red suddenly zoomed past him and into the bench opposite him. She was finally there. He watched her as she daintily shed her winter jacket, folded it, and placed it beside her on the chair. When she noticed his glance, she gave him a small smile. The buzz in the shop started to fade as they looked at each other for a while, studying each other's face, getting ready for the talk, and staying in complete silence. Finn noticed the increased amount of make up that Rachel was wearing, and how she wore just enough powder to cover some slightly dark patches under her eyes. She was looking a little thinner, and wearing a whole new wardrobe. This was not the Rachel he was used to, and he felt like he was staring at a complete stranger.

They caught each other's eyes, and the contact was too direct for both of them. Rachel broke away and looked around at the unfamiliar customers. Finn cleared his throat and unconsciously continued to play with the piece of paper. He wasn't quite sure how to start the conversation, he hadn't really thought much about how this talk was supposed to be. In fact, he didn't even know what Rachel wanted to ask him at all. "So…" he started, "Um, how was your Dads's party?"

"It was fun," She smiled more genuinely, "We had some family from Jersey who came, and even the Puckermans were there. It was almost like celebrating a mid-life Bar Mitzvah for my dads since they're both turning 50 this year."

Finn nodded and offered a halfhearted smile of his own. His last memory of Rachel's fathers was of the night before he sent Rachel on her journey to New York. They had planned the whole scheme together, and her dads were nothing but pleased with Finn's idea. They were both inclined to help with any plan what would send their daughter to a brighter future, even if it meant she had to lose Finn in the process. Even though Finn realizes how heart wrenching it was to have to let go of Rachel, he knew that it was the best decision for her to go to New York without him. "That sounds like a lot of fun." He tried to say casually, but he knew that Rachel was able to see past the fake smiles he was giving her.

She was about to say something when a pimply teenage boy, holding a notepad, looked at her and lazily said, "Hi, can I take your order?"

Rachel was confused, from what she remembered, they didn't have waiters at The Lima Bean, at least not when she was in high school. "I'll have the Colombian press, please."

The boy slowly wrote on his pad and swung towards Finn to take his order and said, "The usual for you, Finn?"

"Yup, thanks Jimmy. Oh and I'll have it in a to-go cup too."

Rachel raised her eyebrows toward Finn and said, "The usual? What's your usual, now that you drink coffee?"

Finn smiled, glad that their conversation was finally about a neutral topic. "I like it black, with three sugars, and one Sweet'N Low." Rachel cringed as she imagined just how sweet his coffee must taste, "How about you, what's with the whole Colombian thing? What happened to your soy caramel macchiato, or, the soy café mocha with extra chocolate shavings on top?" He raised his own eyebrows to her, slightly amusing himself.

"Just a little something I picked up in New York." She smiled but looked down to her hands on the table instead. She knew that any mention of New York would trigger something between them. She noticed Finn tightly holding onto a small piece of paper. She pointed to it and said, "What's that you keep playing with?"

Finn looked down at his hands and realized that he was still clutching the note Dr. Sterling gave him. He looked at Rachel, looked back at the note, and started to panic. He quickly folded it as small as it could possibly get and shoved the tiny paper in his pocket and said, "Oh, it's nothing. Just a random piece of paper I found in my car."

Rachel noticed Finn's sudden flustered demeanor and decided to drop the subject. She imagined that Finn must have really wanted to hide whatever was written on the paper from the way he hurriedly got rid of it. Whatever it was, it must have been something about her, or else he wouldn't have been so coy about her seeing him play with it.

They spent a few more seconds in silence, both feeling how uncomfortable the other felt. Neither said a thing until Jimmy came back with their orders, and Finn paid for both his and Rachel's drinks. She thanked him and Finn finally got the courage to say, "Look, since we both got our orders to go, and seeing as The Lima Bean might not be the most private place to talk about what we're going to …um, _talk_ about, we might want to go somewhere else. What do you think?"

Rachel nodded and the pair walked toward the exit. The tension between them was so visible, it could have been noticed by a four-year-old toddler. "So where did you park?" She asked him.

"Just right around the corner, you?"

"My dad dropped me off, so I'll be riding with you."

So they walked to Finn's truck, side by side, arms almost touching. Finn, realizing just how close he was to Rachel's body, took a sideways step to widen the space between them. The gap would have been bigger, had it not been for the small size of the sidewalk. But whatever Finn did to try to avoid bumping against Rachel's arm, some invisible force field drew them closer to each other, whether he liked it or not. Once they were in the car, Finn realized that he had limited options to offer to go for outdoor walks around Lima in the cold winter. It had been snowing quite a bit this past week, and parks were still covered in white. So all he could do was drive them to the house. "I hope you don't mind me bringing you to the house." He glanced at her through his peripheral vision, "It's the only place I can think of where we can have privacy."

"Sure, but what about Carole and Burt?" She looked worried. Rachel had no intentions to have this talk with Finn while his parents were lingering around the house.

"They left for DC yesterday. Mom doesn't let Burt go on work travels alone anymore, even if it's just for the weekend."

Once again, silence filled the space around them. Finn turned on his stereo which played the CD he was listening to on his way to the coffee shop. It was a playlist he made, with the hope to present it to the Glee club for preparations for Regionals. He had such high hopes for the New Directions to win Sectionals that he was already making plans for Regionals. Even though he had no clue as to what the theme of the year's competition was going to be, he already had a few songs planned for the club. The music softly replaced the silence, and Finn and Rachel slowly relaxed to the sounds of the songs on their way to the Hudmel house, enjoying their moment, and both forgetting about their impending talk. Rachel was definitely grateful for the soothing sounds of Finn's familiar collection of rock ballads. Upon entering the car, her mind wandered to that memory of Finn driving her to the train station, so the music was a welcome distraction for her thoughts.

The ride was surprisingly short. Before Rachel knew it, they had already passed by her house, which meant they were only eight blocks away from the Hummel-Hudson residence. In less thank five minutes Finn and Rachel were out of the car, and standing in the living room of the house. Finn offered to take Rachel's coat and placed it on the armchair closest to the fireplace. He motioned for her to sit anywhere she liked, as he took his own jacket off and sat on the other end of the couch from where Rachel had sat. Not wanting to spend some more time in awkward silence, Finn said, "So… What, uh… What did you want to talk about?"

Rachel opened and closed her mouth, not really sure how or where to start their talk. She watched as Finn shifted on the couch, clearly trying to find a comfortable position to face her. She followed suit and moved around to face him as well. They were now facing each other from opposite ends of the couch. Rachel took a sip from her coffee, set the cup down on the coffee table, composed herself and said, "Finn, I… I just feel like ever since you imposed the no contact rule on us, that we've been so disconnected lately. Given our, um… Current relationship, I kind of understood why that was but, when Kurt told me about your sessions the other week, it suddenly hit me." She looked at him, and was surprised to find that he wasn't fidgeting at all. In fact, she worried that the topic of their conversation would be too much for him, so she chose her words cautiously. "I know you and I are not _together_ or anything, but I just couldn't stop thinking about you the night I found out. It was then that I realized that we really weren't talking. At all. And I just didn't understand any of it. The news came out of nowhere." She kept her eyes on him, refusing to look elsewhere, but he kept a firm glance at the gap between them. "You're one of the strongest people I know, Finn. Finding out you were doing therapy sessions really shocked me. The whole situation made no sense to me. So I guess I just want to know what happened. More like, I want to understand what you're going through so that I can be there for you."

Finn couldn't help but to snort at her last comment. "Be there for me," he repeated in disbelief, but sounded like mockery to her. Clearly hurt, Rachel finally removed her eyes away from Finn and looked down at her own hands. "How exactly can you _be there_ for me when we don't even live in the same state?" He crossed him arms tightly around his chest, "We're not even together, not to mention that we've spoken to each other more during these past two days than we have over the last few months."

"If I remember correctly, it was your idea to not contact each other. It was your clever idea to send me to New York, and for you to go to Fort Benning, and it was you who stopped calling. You were the one who ran away, and you were the one who didn't even bother looking back."

"You're the one who moved on quickly." He sneered as she brought her knees to her chest and hugged her legs.

Finn took his coffee and chugged the drink to its very last drop. Rachel, on the other hand, had completely given up on her cup and resorted to avoiding eye contact.

"Look," She said, "I didn't come to see you to fight. Like I said earlier, I just wanted to understand what was going on with you."

Finn sighed, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap, or say what I said. These days, things come out of my mouth before I think about them in my head." He helplessly looked around the room, trying to find something to distract them both.

"So then what happened?" Rachel abruptly asked without giving Finn a chance to sway the conversation. "Why didn't you tell me about your therapy, Finn? I already broke the no contact rule in December. Why didn't you pick up the phone and tell me that this was going on with you?"

"It's not… I just…" Finn closed his eyes, and remembered his last session with Dr. Drew. Since he was advised to do so, maybe if he just told her the truth, then things would between them might get easier. If not easier then hopefully more comfortable between them. Instead of answering her questions, he decided to go for another route, knowing that it would answer a completely different question she had asked him long ago, "I knew that loving you was never going to be enough. At least it wasn't enough for me. This probably doesn't make any sense to you but that's all I had to give, but I wanted to give you more than just that."

Rachel was startled with his sudden confession. She wasn't sure why he was talking about the cause of their downfall when she asked him to answer questions about his sessions. Honestly, she didn't think she was comfortable talking about this just yet. For now, she just wanted her own questions answered. "Finn—"

Finn's eyes remained closed, and did not see Rachel's shocked expression, so he continued, "The thing is, you don't get that I don't want to just love you forever, I want to be something you'd be proud to love too. I let you go on that train to NY because the night we graduated, I had this screwed up vision of us in the future together." He finally opened his eyes, and it saddened Rachel to see his eyes start to gloss, "It wasn't a happy one. You'd go to NYADA, I would have followed you and tried to figure out what to do with myself. You would have become this really amazing star that everyone would love, but then I would end up not doing anything for myself, and I'd still stick around because I loved you that much, maybe even more. We'd go to red carpet events for you and I'd be there as your… I don't know, bag handler?" He tried to smile, but it only made his lower lip quiver. For some reason, Finn thought that opening up about his actions on that horrible day at the train station was better than telling Rachel about his sessions. But it was getting harder than he thought. "Honestly though, I wouldn't mind being the one holding your bag and holding your hand at the red carpet. But who would want to show off a husband who was just the bag handler? Why would the biggest Broadway star want to have a reject for a husband? I know you're going to say something about how anything from me would have been enough, that you won't care what I end up doing or becoming in the future. You'd be there, for me too, sticking by me through whatever the hell I would end up doing. You'd tell me something about how you'd stick by me the same way that I would stick by you." Finn wiped his eyes with his sleeves, and Rachel stayed on her spot, not saying anything, and not moving an inch. All that was heard from her was her controlled breathing. "Deep down though, we both know that it wouldn't have been enough. I would end up feeling the same way I already feel now, then, I would end up bringing you down along with me, no, more like…bring _us_ down, and it would have been our downfall just as much as it is the cause of our separation now. Imagine if we had waited longer for me to figure out what to do with myself, and we went to New York for you to go to NYADA, and to have things slowly fall apart through time, instead of what I did to us last summer. I think it would have hurt even more to break up with you if we chose that path. I just thought that it would hurt more if we kept on pretending that everything was all right, when really things were just starting to get bad with me, maybe even us. Because, any way that I saw it, we would have never made it unless I was something we could have both been proud of. Unless I was also doing something I loved, just as passionately as you love performing. I just accepted that fact earlier, that me loving you wouldn't have been enough for the both of us." Finn forced himself to breathe, realizing that his throat was getting tighter, "That's why I had to let you go. That's why I sent you to New York without me. I prevented us from hating each other."

Rachel was speechless. She wasn't expecting any of this from Finn. Frankly, she didn't even think she would find out the reason behind his conniving plan anytime soon. She had been trying to get answers from him about this for almost eight months. Now that she asks him to answer something else, he shocks her with the answer she had been patiently waiting for instead. For months she planned what she wanted to say to him in case the moment ever came when the truth came out. The longer she went without an answer, the more _I-Hate-Yous_ there were in her planned speeches. Except that the more she thought of sending Finn hate for his actions, the more she missed him. It made her realize even more just how much she loved him, and how much she hated not being with him.

But so much has happened between that time, and the moment they currently are in. They've been reunited, and separated, and then they broke up, and then stopped speaking altogether. The hate was soon replaced by confusion and hurt as they spent even more time apart, this time, officially as a failed couple. Now they sat so close to each other, finally giving some light to some things that at one point made no sense. Now that she was given a proper explanation, she was left with nothing to say. So she let her brain vomit, and accepted whatever came out of her mouth. Any random words would be more appreciated than the silence she was giving him.

"Finn, don't you think that maybe it's not who you are that holds you back, but it's who you think you're not? Does it really matter that you need to figure out who you are right now? Because the way I see it, you just gave up on us. Either way it hurts. It hurt that you made me go to a whole new city by myself, and that you didn't want to discover new things with me. It hurt that you didn't even talk to me about any of the plans you had that day. You can't just send someone on a train ride to their future and expect that person to be okay with it. Not to mention that you enlisted yourself without even telling me about it. We were even engaged at the time, and you didn't even bother to include me in any of the plans you thought about. I was _so_ scared." She paused to take a breath, realizing that she had talked so much she forgot to breathe. "And now, now we're not even together. Whatever you had planned it didn't work out for either of us. Now we're barely even friends, I had to find out through others that you were seeing a therapist, and that hurt me too. So much. Didn't you think I would have wanted to know? I don't care that we aren't together anymore, or that we had a no contact rule, you're still important to me, and having to hear from another person that you got to the point of having to see a therapist, it just…" Unlike Finn, Rachel couldn't keep the tears from falling down. "Not being with you was already hard enough and I've already had time to accept that. But it still breaks my heart when I don't know how you're doing, even more when I find out through someone else that you're seeing a therapist. I don't think you understand the level of worry I went through when I found out." She forcefully closed her eyes to prevent even more tears from falling. "I couldn't even sleep until I knew more about your situation. And I kept wondering what happened to make you get to that point, I wondered whether it was because of me, and I… I just wish you had told me yourself. That's all."

Rachel opened her eyes, disappointed to see that Finn hadn't even budged from his spot on the couch. She was hoping that he'd forget their strained relationship and wrapped his arms around her to calm her down. Except reality came rushing back when she opened her eyes, and remembered that things can't be that easy. Instead, Finn reached behind him to get a box of tissues, which he placed in front of her. His face was so blank she couldn't figure out what he was thinking.

"Why does it matter so much that I told you about my therapy sessions myself? How would that have helped? You're in New York, you're with that Brody guy. We're not together, and you said so yourself, we're barely friends. So does it really matter that I didn't tell you?"

"Brody and I are not… We're just friends." Finn eyed her knowingly, and tried to tell her with his eyes that her living with her brother means he knows certain things. "Okay, we tried dating a few times, but it just didn't feel right. _I_ didn't feel right. I mean it when I say that we're just friends." She shook her head as if to shake off the sidetrack topic and said, "But Finn, you really don't get it, do you?" He shrugged. "I honestly didn't want to have to repeat this but…" She closed eyes again, this time trying harder to stop herself from crying. "The last time we were on stage together at McKinley, I told you that you were my first love, but the thing is that you mean more to me than just that. You were my best friend, my other half. We weren't afraid to tell each other anything, but once you sent me to NY, we barely spoke. It's like you woke up one day and decided to let me go. And then we broke up, and then you set the no contact rule, and we just stopped talking. It's like I lost that part of me that kept me from going insane, and you just tore everything apart. When we broke up, I didn't mean that I wanted to stop talking to you altogether. Do you get that?" He shook his head no, and she sighed. "It matters to me that I personally hear from you about your therapy sessions, because it would mean that despite everything we went through, I still mean something to you. It means that you're still willing to let me in, even when we're not together. Or at least that our friendship still has some value to you, just enough to let me in."

Rachel looked towards Finn. He was now standing away from her, pacing along the wall that faced the couch. He didn't know what to say. Rachel wanted so many answers, even those Finn couldn't figure out himself. He looked back at Rachel, who was patiently waiting for him to say something. He really wasn't sure how to respond, so he whispered to her,

"It's not a big deal, Rach. That's why I didn't tell anyone. It's really not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" She stood from the couch and slowly approached him on his "Finn, when I broke your stupid rule and told you about my winter showcase win, it's because I wanted to share the news with you. I wanted you to be a part of my night, despite our relationship. The time we had together for the past three years meant enough for me to share something big with you."

"But that's different. That's good news! You winning that winter show thing was something to celebrate; something to be happy about. Me seeing a _shrink_? That's not exactly something people want to share with just anyone."

"Except I'm not just _anyone_. What did you think? Did you think I would laugh at you if you told me? Did you think I—"

"IT'S EMBARRASSING OK?! I didn't want to tell you because I was ashamed! No, I _am_ ashamed. You, and everybody else we graduated with, you guys look like you all know what you're doing. Everything just looks so easy for all of you. You know what you want. Things are going great for you. And me? I wasn't good enough for football. I'm not in college, I got kicked out of basic military training, I don't have a real job, I led the glee club to a loss. I don't have anyone I can trust," She winced. "There is nothing for me out there, and I don't see how that has anything to do with you." He scoffed.

It hurt Rachel to see Finn so defeated. It hurt her to hear the things he said to her, as if anything she said to try to make him feel better didn't make him feel any better. She took another step closer to him, but stopped just far enough to leave him some space. "It matters to me that I find out from you because if something bad happened to you and I was the last one to find out, I wou—"

"Rach," Finn raised his voice, irritated that people always thought he was self-destructive now that he was seeing a therapist, it wasn't the case at all but people didn't seem to listen. "You don't have to go there, this thing going on in my head? It has nothing to do with you."

"Finn, shut the hell up before I say something I don't mean and let me say what I want to say!" He clamped his lips so tightly that it looked like he stopped breathing. Finn had never seen her so angry. Rachel closed her eyes and continued, "If you had gotten hurt, or if something really bad happened to you and I was the last to know because of that stupid rule of yours; I don't think I'd be able to handle it." Her lips quivered but she fought through the stream of tears flowing from her eyes, "I don't think I'd be able to be strong enough if I was the last to know that something really bad happened to you just because of the no contact rule. What you don't understand is that there are many of us that actually care about you, Finn. You're not alone in this, you have to let someone in. Stop shutting yourself out, or whatever it is you're doing."

"Rach I'm not suicidal and you know that." Finn was now facing the wall, unable to look at the girl who made his heart melt, especially when she was crying.

"That's not what I meant. If something happened to me, good or bad, I would have called you." She grasped his arm and prompted him to turn back around. "Why? Because you mean so much to me and I wouldn't be able keep big news from you. I like knowing that you're just a phone call away, but if one day something happens to you and calling you can no longer be an option, I would be crushed. More than crushed." She brought a hand to her chest, making motions in sync with her words. "So yeah, it's a big deal to me that you be the one to tell me because I thought that's how you felt about me too. And if you can't understand that, then I don't know what else to say."

Finn was left speechless by what Rachel was telling him. The flood of emotions emanating from him as well as all the things Rachel told him made him want to vomit. There was too much going on all at once. His vision started to blur, and realized that he was forming his own set of tears. Finn walked away from Rachel, with his head looking up to the ceiling to keep the stream from worsening. He took deep breaths to catch control his breathing and sat back down on the couch to prevent him from fainting. What was he supposed to say? Was this the time for him to try to explain to Rachel that she was his _dentist_ and his _cavity_ at the same time? But then he remembered what Dr. Sterling told him, _"If you said it to another person, the whole thing might have sounded unorganized"_. Finn desperately wanted to tell Rachel his dentist analogy, maybe it was the key that made her understand how he felt. But how was he to explain without her taking it the wrong way? After a long moment of thick silence, Finn said,

"I don't know how you do it."

"What do you mean?" She was confused.

"You don't look anything like the Rachel I used to know, but for some reason I… You still manage to get me to talk."

Taken aback by his remark, Rachel sat back down on her previous spot on the couch. "I don't know if that was an insult or a compliment."

Finn smiled and shook his head, "It's not an insult." He wiped his face clear of tears, and scooted closer to her on the chair. "It's just that…" _The dentist analogy, come on you can do this,_ he thought. "You…uh… You're my dentist."

"I'm sorry, did you just say I'm your _dentist_?" She laughed, completely amused and glad at the sudden change of mood in the room.

Finn couldn't believe that he had so casually blurted out that she was his dentist. He couldn't imagine just how stupid she thought he was. "I realized something when I was at my last session." Finn continued on to explain to Rachel his analogy. She was the dentist and the cavity (and of course, omitted the part where he thought she was the fluctuating pain in the tooth).

Rachel listened with intent concentration, attempting to make sense of what Finn was trying to tell her. From what she could gather, it sounded like Finn was telling her that she was the nuisance and the healer in his life. She wasn't quite sure how to take it. Either way, she was just glad that Finn was opening up to her. Whatever it is that's going on in with him, it didn't seem like there was anything she could to fix it. The truth was that she honestly believed she was the cause of his problems. She believed that Finn's attitude must have been a reaction to their strained relationship; that her breaking up with him and flaunting Brody in his face must have been what caused Finn to feel the way he felt.

After having talked to him though, she realized that whatever Finn was going through, he had to tackle it himself. The best she could offer was to be there as his friend. "I… Guess I kind of get it?" She smiled.

"Oh." Was all he could say. He didn't know how else to explain how he felt about her being there. They stayed that way, just quietly smiling at each other, both internally taking in everything that they had just shared. Finn noticed Rachel's eyebrows wrinkle and asked, "What are you thinking about?"

"I don't know if I should say it." She shook her head. "I don't want to push you too much, and I kind of like how we're not…arguing anymore."

"Just say it. I don't blame you for having a lot of questions."

"It's just… We've said so much already. But…" He nodded his head motioning her to continue. "There's only one thing that confused me with everything going on."

"What is it?"

Rachel reluctantly answered, "What changed, Finn? One day Kurt tells me that you were fine, and one day he tells me you're seeing a therapist. It doesn't make any sense to me how you can be fine one day, and get so bad that you have to see a doctor on another day. I don't understand what happened."

"Honestly, I don't know either." He looked away from her. "But when I find out what this whole thing is, or at least when I understand a bit of it, you'll be the first to know."

"I think I'd really like that."

Finn nodded while Rachel smiled. The walls we halfway down, and things between them were slightly less uncomfortable. Considering how distanced they were before and during their talk, any positive change in their situation was welcome, even if it was just a minor adjustment. They both knew that anything, whether it be them finally trusting each other or something less, was better than not having any relationship at all.

**~ . ~ . ~**

**I will be posting more often in June & July when I have more time. So make sure to follow the story to keep track of it.**

**If you read it, THANK YOU!  
NEXT CHAPTER: Finn bumps into someone from McKinley in a place he didn't think others knew about.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! =) it lets me know whether people are actually reading this, and it might make me update faster.**


	7. Ch 7: It Will Have To Wait

**Sorry this took a while to post. I changed some things to move the plot forward. Enjoy =) **

**_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE._**

**~ . ~ . ~ **

**It Will Have To Wait**

Monday mornings in New York were always hectic. Delivery trucks clogged the narrow streets making early morning deliveries to their respective shops and causing traffic. Working men and women would be seen bustling around the city, as early as eight in the morning, all heading to their favored coffee shops, getting their first fix of caffeine to keep themselves jittery for the day. College students would be found lazily dressed, forcing their feet to move in order to attend their morning classes.

For Kurt and Rachel though, Monday mornings were the only down time they had when they could just spend time with each other before the chaos of the week started. Although they lived together, they didn't always have time to relax and hang out with each other. They would usually be too tired to have nightly girl talks with each other at the end of the day, especially now that they are both NYADA students. They both had late afternoon classes on Mondays, and so they would spend that time in the morning to stay in each other's beds talking and lazing around until midday, the time when they had to force themselves to get up and about.

This time they were on Kurt's bed, giving each other updates on their separate weekends. "…so then I went to Mr. McCoy's office on Friday to ask him to switch my classes around so that I can fit the rehearsals with Adam's Apples into my schedule." Kurt sighed in relief, "Thank God I finally found myself some friends. Those NYADA kids all seem so… ruthless, petty, and scary talented."

"I still can't believe you're committing social suicide by joining AA." Rachel shook her head in disbelief.

"Ugh, that doesn't matter to me. They remind me of Glee Club, and if I've learned anything from being in New Directions, it's that it doesn't matter whether I'm well-liked, just as long as I'm accepted for who I am in a group of accepting people. I kind of like knowing that I'll be fine with those people, than to be turned into a senseless dramatic arts robot."

"I guess…" she said, still unable to hide the disbelief from her face.

"Anyway, enough about my utterly dull meeting with my academic advisor," He poked her arm, "How was Lima? Your dads's party?"

"It was great! I mean, it's always the same each year, the whole congregation was invited, Lima Theatre people were there, their law firm friends. Except this year was extra special because we had family from around the country that came by to celebrate their golden year, it was quite the affair. Plus, you know how my dads are, they like to make a big deal out of everything, including birthdays."

"Sounds to me like it was more than just a party." Kurt smiled.

They stayed silent for a while, just enjoying the warmth of the bed, watching the sun slowly poking through the windows. Rachel thought back to her whole trip, and let her mind drift off to Finn. She wondered whether she should tell Kurt that she saw him, but there was a reason that she didn't want him to know. Kurt specifically requested her to stay away from Finn, something about keeping her distance and keeping him out of even more drama. She was scared of how Kurt might react to her confession, but she desperately needed to talk to someone about her time with Finn. She needed to have someone to talk to and understand her concerns. Except the only person with whom she could converse with about Finn in New York was Kurt.

"I saw Finn." She blurted out without thinking. Kurt snapped his head to look at Rachel, his expression almost blank.

"I love you to bits, Diva, but I hope to God you left him alone and didn't actually talk to him. Or even better, I hope you're joking." She looked guilty, and started to play with a loose string on his sheets. Kurt caught on and snatched her wrist in disbelief. "Oh my God, Rachel you didn't!"

"It's ok Kurt. It's not like I just popped up on him unannounced," _Well, technically speaking_, she thought, "I know you told me to stay away but I just had to let him know I was coming, so he knew I was coming. He wasn't totally unprepared. Anyway, it was ok in the end."

Kurt opened and closed his mouth clearly at a loss for words. Others may not have realized it but, in some way, Rachel and Finn's break up affected him to. He was always being put in the middle, what with Rachel being his best friend and roommate, and Finn being his stepbrother. He always tried not to pick sides, except that if something felt wrong, he would speak his mind and intervene. He wasn't an idiot, it didn't matter who said what, but if one of them said or had done something that was out of line, he wouldn't just stand by and watch. He had to protect the person whom he thought was the one being unfairly treated.

Despite all of the tension between the two, he was still able to keep separate loyal relationships with both. Heck, he even respected their no contact rule by managing to have phone calls with Finn while Rachel was in class. When he talked to Rachel, he never mentioned Finn; and when he talked to Finn, stories were strictly steered away from any reference to his ex-fiancé. Kurt was more than just walking on eggshells around those two. He was the equivalent of a child of divorced parents.

Kurt was ready to drop the conversation deciding to check up on Finn laterbut changed his mind when his eyes landed on a pair of new Doc Martens by the entrance door, sitting right next to his own work shoes. Wheels wound in his mind while he processed the situation, "How did he take the news of Mr. Body Commando living here?"

Rachel raised her eyebrows and said, "Mr. Body Commando? You're calling him that now?"

"Diva, the disturbing memory of his junk sitting on my perfectly refurbished thrift store dining chairs has been permanently carved into my brain. And for the record, your boyfriend doesn't seem to understand the required decorum needed around roommates. Walking around in your birthday suit is absolutely not allowed when others are living with you. Hence, Mr. Body Commando."

"That was weeks ago! And he hasn't done that since. We already had a talk about it, and he's promised to keep himself clothed while you're home."

"I know, I know. But it doesn't mean he loses the nickname though." He sighed and switched positions to sit cross-legged in order to face Rachel. "So, tell me. How did Finn take it?"

Rachel's face flooded with guilt and took one of Kurt's throw pillows toward her face to hide it and mumbled, "Ikindadidnttellhim."

He took the pillow away from her face and said in an impatient tone, "In English, please?"

She averted his eyes, "Our conversation may not have steered towards that… _topic_."

"RACHEL!" Kurt was unable to hide all traces of disappointment he was currently feeling.

"Kurt, he didn't have to know." She said in a confident tone.

Kurt huffed in annoyance and tried to keep calm before he found himself pouncing at his best friend. She clearly did not follow his instructions, and he was mad, but more importantly, he was worried for his brother. But whatever was happening, he needed to find out more about it. He needed to understand his friend's position before attacking her to protect his brother. "What did you tell him then?"

"Well, actually, he did ask me if I was with Brody. It's just that… I didn't think he'd take it well, and I may have said that we were just friends. A little white lie wouldn't hurt him."

Kurt crossed his arms and looked at Rachel indignantly, "A white lie won't hurt him?" he scoffed, "Rachel, it doesn't matter what color you paint your lies. It can be purple, black, or red, heck it can be disguised as a rainbow. Bottom line is, a lie is still a _lie_. What were you thinking?"

She sighed, "I… I know. I just didn't know what to say, you know?"

"You shouldn't have gone to see him in the first place. I thought you guys had a no-contact rule? No singing rule, no _existence_ rule, or whatever the hell it is." He stood up, and angrily made his bed.

"I just had to see him, Kurt. I can't just stay here happily chasing my dreams, while knowing that he's miles away dealing with this whole… _depression_ funk by himself. I mean, he's not alone, _per se_, but… Who else does he have that he can talk to other than your parents? Noah? What do you think Noah's going to do to help him get through this? Teach Finn how to manage problems under a beer-induced stupor?" Rachel got up and helped Kurt with his bed, "You know how Finn gets. He's going to start thinking he's all alone in this. I just wanted to help."

Kurt aggressively fluffed his pillows, "How exactly? By lying to him? How is that supposed to be helping him? He's got enough on his plate, and you going to Lima to _bother_ him and _lie_ to him; that doesn't seem to me like it would make things any better. In fact, I don't think it's any help at all."

"I didn't go there to bother him!"

"Then what was the point of it all? You're broken up. You're barely friends. You have a boyfriend, and yet you had the nerve to pop back into Finn's life right around the time when he really could have been better off without any Rachel Berry drama." Kurt slapped a hand to his mouth, surprised with his outburst. He hadn't planned to say so much, but he couldn't keep it to himself anymore. Finn wouldn't outright say it to others, but Kurt had a suspicion that his problems rooted, or at least had something to do with the Rachel fiasco.

Rachel stood shell-shocked two feet away from Kurt, who was now back to sitting on the edge of his bed. She walked towards him and sat next to her friend, faced him and said, "I'm just worried about him Kurt."

He sighed and turned to look at her, "I know. I am too. This whole thing, it's just not like him at all, and it's just… Dad and Carole had a secret meeting with his doctor and he said that whatever Finn is dealing with turned him into this overly sensitive _giant_ _thing_. The doctor said that he's finally starting to open up. I didn't want you to go see him because of that. I thought that seeing you back in Lima might stir things up and trigger something again. Maybe even make things get bad again."

"Oh." Was all Rachel could say, now understanding why she should have just taken Kurt's advice in the first place. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I wouldn't have gone to see him if I knew."

"No, it's my fault. I should have just told you anyway." He smiled, which made her smile as well. They stayed that way for a bit until he started getting disturbed by the sour mood in the room, "You know what? What's done is done. Now… how would you like some vegan Crôque-Madame for breakfast?"

Rachel's eyes brightened at Kurt's suggestion, "Sounds good to me. I'm just going to freshen up before eating."

Kurt nodded and got up from his bed and opened the curtains to his room. As he started getting the ingredients and the utensils, he remembered something else. He walked towards Rachel's corner and said, "One last thing about Finn." She nodded, "Please tell him the truth about you and Brody. We both know that he won't be happy with the news, but I know for sure that he'll be even more crushed if he found out you lied to him." Rachel was ready to disagree with the idea until Kurt said, "If you don't do it, I'll do it myself. Or if the topic comes up, I'll have to tell him. He's my stepbrother, and I can't lie to him as easily as you have been." With that, Kurt went back to the kitchen to really start making their breakfast.

Once again, Rachel was left paralyzed and silent. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and quietly mulled over what Kurt had said. She dreaded the idea of being the bearer of bad news but knew that it was the right thing to do. Rachel knew that she had to be honest with Finn if she wanted to keep him as a friend. If having him as a friend was the best she could get at the moment, then she'll gladly take it.

Except she honestly didn't know what she was doing anymore. Being with Brody was a reinvigorating change. He gave her a new sense of security while she was still a stranger to the city. Brody quickly became a close friend, he was able to make her feel at home in New York, he made her believe that she still had hope for happiness. They soon started caring for each other as lovers; a change that she hesitantly welcomed.

Still, he wasn't Finn. Rachel would always love Finn. A significant part of her heart would always be reserved for her first love, her best friend. The problem was that she also cared for Brody. It might not be the same level of care she felt for Finn, but she liked him too. She wasn't sure whether she would ever be able to love Brody the same way she loves Finn. The thought made her feel sick. She couldn't imagine ever loving anyone else the way she did with Finn, except she was with Brody so she shouldn't even be thinking about it.

_What am I doing_, she thought,_ juggling two guys?_ Rachel sat on the armchair by her bed. _What am I thinking? I'm not juggling two guys, I'm only with one, and the other broke my heart. I told Finn that I'd be here as his friend, and if he misunderstood that as me wanting to be with him, then that's his fault._

She imagined how Finn would react to the news. Every possible scenario she could think of consisted of an enraged version of Finn permanently ending their relationship and requesting to never see her again. Not being with Finn was already a hard task. So the thought of having to live a life without any semblance of friendship with the one person whom she could truly rely on was unimaginable. Rachel really didn't want to do it, but knew it had to be done, at least before she let things get worse, and lost Finn for good.

* * *

"Hey Jimbo, do you know what time Burt's done with his meeting?"

"Meeting? He finished that hours ago." The middle-aged man said to the younger man. "He left early and he said something about a note for you in his office."

"Oh, ok. Thanks, I'll go check it out." The young man unzipped his mechanic uniform and tied the arms of the jumper around his waist.

"Hey Hudson!" The older man said, "If you find some money just lying around in there, don't forget to share!" He winked and pretended to turn back to the car he was tending to.

Finn smiled and shook his head, "No way. I'm pretty sure the saying 'finders keepers' doesn't say anything about sharing with others."

"Whatever you say, kid. Whatever you say."

Finn made his way out of the area and quickly walked to Burt's office. He was pretty sure that Burt said they would be going home together at the end of his shift, so he was quite surprised that his stepfather left work without him. When he entered the office, he walked around the desk and sat on the chair. He found the note, which said,

_"Your mother finished work early, went to pick her up. Take the keys to the other truck inside the drawer. Meet you home for dinner."_

Finn crumpled the paper and threw it in the trash under the table. Feeling comfortable on the chair, he took this extra time to sit and relax in the silence. He wasn't in the mood to have dinner with his mom and Burt at the moment. Family dinners were always fun at the Hummel-Hudson residence, but for some months now, Finn always felt like his parents used dinners as a way to interrogate him.

The truth is that he still hadn't had time to process the events of his weekend, and having to recap it to his parents didn't exactly excite him. It wasn't to say that his weekend was a blur. In fact the memory of it still hung very clearly at the back of his mind. However, by the time his meet with Rachel ended on Saturday, Puck insisted on making him go to a karaoke bar. Finn was left to store the Rachel related thoughts away for the time being. When Sunday came around, and Rachel left to go back to New York, Finn was called in to work to replace a coworker who had caught the flu. The day was so busy, with a sudden surge of people simultaneously coming in get their tires fixed, a rare occurrence for a normally slow month. With everything happening so quickly, before he knew it, Sunday was over and his parents were back in town. Monday came so quickly that its arrival surprised Finn.

It was easy to say that Finn hadn't had the time to fully process his recent encounter with Rachel. Now that he was done with his shift and sat in his stepfather's office in complete silence, away from any disturbance, Finn realized that he didn't even have the proper energy to think about it yet. Deciding that some food might help, he rummaged through the drawers for the keys to Burt's older truck and made his way home.

He would just have to mull over it some other time.

* * *

The scent of freshly grilled steak wafted around the front area of the house. Finn's stomach gave a loud rumble as he entered the front door. "Hey mom, Burt! I'm home. I'm just going to quickly change in my room." He started making his way up the stairs but stopped midway when Carole Hudson-Hummel appeared at the hallway.

"Finn, stop right there! You don't see your mother for days, and you go straight to your room to change? I think you forgot to do something." She waited patiently at the foot of the stairs.

The tall young man grinned, and slowly made his way back down the steps. "So… I'm 19, and I still have to hug and kiss my _mommy_ every time I get home?" Carole smiled and put a hand on her hip in mock-anger as she waited for her son to greet her properly. Finn shook his head in amusement, kissed his mother on the cheek and hugged her tightly. "Hey mom, welcome back. I've definitely missed your cooking."

Carole chuckled and patted his shoulder. "Well, I'm sorry to say that you'll be missing my cooking for another night. Burt decided to grill for dinner."

"Grill? Isn't it a bit cold out for grilling? And I thought Kurt said that Burt's not supposed to be eating any steaks until Burt's treatments are done."

"He insisted on grilling for tonight. Says the grill is keeping him warm out there. And don't worry about Burt's diet, he's grilling Tilapia for us, and sirloin for you." Finn's mouth watered and Carole smiled at her son, noticing a change in his attitude. "You look good Finny. Did you have a good weekend?"

Finn shrugged and said, "How about I go change first and then we swap stories over dinner. Tell me about D.C. and I'll tell you about my weekend. Deal?"

"I think you need to shower too. I can smell your stink all the way over here!" He heard stepfather shout from the back porch. Carole laughed and walked back to the kitchen to set the table as Finn shook his head on his way to his room.

Once there, Finn lifted an arm up to smell himself. He figured that he didn't smell that bad, but decided to shower anyway. There was nothing wrong with being clean at the dinner table. Plus he preferred to kill time in the shower than to quickly change and have to endure his mother's interrogation before dinner. He sensed his mother's inquisitive eyes on him earlier at the hallway. Finn wasn't quite sure what she meant by him looking good. As far as he knew nothing had changed, he still felt as lost as ever. Whatever it was his mother was referring to, he had no clue what it was about.

In the bathroom, he turned the radio on loudly to prevent his thoughts from running during his shower. He still wasn't ready to think about his Rachel encounter.

It will have to wait.

* * *

"_Honey_, you can't have beer yet, doctor's orders."

"You mean Kurt's orders. I don't remember Patterson saying anything about a beer ban." The man said, crouching down to snag a bottle from the fridge, much to his wife's chagrin.

"Come on Burt," Finn spoke up, with a mouthful of mashed potatoes in his mouth, "You only have a month and a half of the treatments left. Plus you never know, what if Kurt's crazy diet theory actually works out?"

Carole gave her son a nod, while his stepfather gave the bottle in his hand a once over before returning it to the lowest shelf of the fridge. "I guess if it helps me out in the long run, then the torture of not having beer would have been worth it." He sat back down on his seat at the table where he served himself water.

Finn simply continued feeding himself, glad to have finally convinced his stepfather to stray from the beer. This was a regular occurrence at the dinner table. Once his parents had finished their meals and Finn was still working on his, Burt would wander off to the refrigerator to tempt himself with a bottle. Kurt was very specific in wanting his father to cut off anything he deemed unhealthy for a cancer patient to consume. Honestly, Finn thought Kurt's rules were too extreme, but he knew that his brother had good intentions in mind. After all, Kurt's over-protectiveness of his dad only stemmed from not wanting to lose his only living parent, something Finn could definitely relate to. If anything similar happened to his mother, he would do anything to prevent her from being taken away from him.

While Finn was zoned out from his surroundings, Carole and Burt watched as the young man continuously shoved food in his mouth, as if he hadn't been fed for days. "Finny, slow down. You look like you're about ready to eat the whole table too."

Finn snapped out of his trance and smiled sheepishly. He gulped down a full glass of water and leaned back in his chair, ready to fall into a deep food-coma.

"So, Finn." Burt said, "What about you? We told you about our trip, now tell us about your weekend."

Finn thought of what to say. Should he mention Rachel? She was a big part of his weekend and if his parents wanted to know what he did, then maybe he should just tell them everything. But he still wasn't ready to talk about it, let alone have to answer questions his mother would probably ask.

He noticed his mother looking at him in that irritating motherly way. The one where she somehow knew something was up, but couldn't exactly point out what it was. It was that look where her face showed the internal struggle going through her mind. The one that showed how much she wanted to ask questions, but restrained herself in order to let her son be the one to initiate the conversation. The surprising thing was that Finn didn't mind it at all.

Had he gotten this look weeks ago, he wouldn't have been able to keep his temper controlled. He would have snapped and told her to quit pitying him. This time however, he accepted it. He appreciated it, but did not understand why that was. "Rachel was in town for the weekend."

Carole and Burt sat straighter in their chairs realizing that Finn was finally opening up to them about something. Burt managed to keep his emotions in check, while Carole was unable to hide herself from beaming at her son. She was proud of Finn for finally taking a step forward.

"Oh, is that right?" She said in a controlled tone.

"Yeah. She um… Came to… We kind of talked a bit." Finn wasn't sure where he was heading with this. Why was it that he was opening up to his parents about his Rachel meeting, when he couldn't even make himself think about it properly?

"Was it a good reunion?" Carole hesitantly asked. She knew that Rachel was a sensitive subject around Finn and did not want to sound too excited.

"Honestly? I don't really know."

Carole didn't know what to say. She didn't want to push him too much, yet she loved having that moment with her son again. She had missed those times when Finn wouldn't think twice to ask or talk to her about anything. She missed those days when Finn's crooked smile reached his eyes, those days when genuine happiness radiated from his eyes. Instead she was met with distant looks that held emptiness. She began to miss those moments, especially when he gave her his new trademark look of helplessness. Those looks, which indicated that her son was in hiding, using his body as a shield. The Finn she knew was hidden deep inside his shield, and refused to come out. She didn't know what to do to get him out of that hole.

Except there were some moments like tonight. There were times when Finn seemed like himself again, or when he was willing to talk. It's those moments that gave Carole hope. It gave her a sign that her son was still there, that he is not completely lost. So seeing him at the dinner table, balancing his two selves, was hard for her. What was she meant to do when this happened? Should she ask more, or let him come to them? What if she pushed him into a deeper hole, would he come back resurfacing again, or would he close himself off completely? She looked towards her husband for some help, communicating with him through her eyes. Burt shrugged at her, not knowing what to do either.

"Do you want to talk about it, honey?"

Finn stared at his plate for a while, then started laughing, causing his mother to jump in surprise. Burt and Carole looked to each other in confusion. Should they be worried?

Burt tried to smile and said, "What's so funny son?"

Finn finally looked up at them, "No, nothing. I mean… You'd think I'd be a wreck after meeting Rachel but…" he scrunched his eyebrows, "But the thing is that meeting Rachel and talking to her about some things, didn't even do anything. You know?"

Carole and Burt sat in silence, letting the young man speak. Carole noticed that distant look again, but this was different. It was quite jarring for her to see her son giving her that gaze while his normal self seemed to be making an appearance.

"I mean, sure, it was nice to talk to her and… I guess it was also nice to finally let off some steam. And she kept saying something about being friends and being there for me… But honestly? None of it really matters to me anymore."

This time, Carole took advantage of Finn's long pause to say something, "Finny, we don't really understand what you're trying to say. Maybe if you told us what happened we could help?"

"Thanks mom," He gave her a genuine smile, which melted her heart. She had definitely missed the happy version of Finn, but this still wasn't her son, not really. "The thing is, I don't need help with the Rachel thing anymore. I mean, sure… that whole thing sucks but… You see, I had a couple of days to be sad about it, but I'm not even sad about it at all. I didn't even think about it, about her. It doesn't even bother me at all. Do you guys get where I'm getting at?"

"Son, are you trying to say you're over Rachel?" said Burt, finally saying something.

"I don't know. Am I?"

"Sounds a lot like that's what you're saying."

"Wow. I… Really?" He looked at his mom, who just gave him a shrug.

"Honey, we're not saying that you're over Rachel. That's for you to decide. What Burt was saying is—" She was interrupted by her husband, who took her hand on the table and suggested he continue for her.

"Son, maybe if you take some time to really think about all of it, then you might find out for yourself whether you're really over Rachel. The last thing we want to do is tell you how you're supposed to feel about Rachel. That's for you to think about and resolve. We'll be here if you need us, but we can't be the ones to tell you how to feel."

Finn looked at his stepfather and nodded. He stood and gathered their dishes to put them in the dishwasher. Halfway through his chore, the house phone rang. Burt went over to answer it; delighted to find out it was Kurt. Carole picked up the remaining dishes at the table and went over to her son to help him. Finn rinsed the plates, and she placed them in the machine. Everything felt so relaxing and normal that none of them wanted to bring up the conversation anymore.

Finn almost dropped a plate when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He assumed it to be Puck, so he decided to check it later before he got to bed. Right now, he just wanted to unwind in this rare moment with his family. They used to do this all the time. After the joys of eating dinner, they would all relax. Finn always helped his mom with the dishes, while Kurt tried to convince Burt to pick another musical for their family movie nights. Even though his brother was hundreds of miles away, he still managed to include himself with their post-dinner activities.

Finn cherished these family moments. These were the times that reminded him that no matter what shit he was in, or how down he was feeling, he could always count on his family to cheer him up. Or like tonight, they helped him relax.

All he wanted to do in this moment was forget everything. For once he just wanted to feel normal and not think about anything but to spend time with his family.

The Rachel situation would have to wait even longer.

* * *

Back in New York, Rachel sat cross-legged on her bed holding her cell phone. Brody was out with her upperclassmen friends, and Kurt was on the phone with his dad on the other side of the loft. She occasionally heard her roommate mention Finn in hushed tones, discerning a hint of worry in his voice when he talked about his brother.

The thought of Finn made her want to call him. She wanted to find out how he was doing. It has now been two days since their talk, and she sincerely wanted to know how he was holding up. Even though Rachel wanted to call Finn, she had a gnawing feeling in her stomach reminding her to inform him about her current relationship with Brody. She also knew that if she called him, Kurt would be on her back until she told Finn the truth.

All she really wanted to do was to see how he was doing, she didn't care about her lie, and she just wanted Finn to be okay again. She checked to see where Kurt was in the loft. Seeing that he was still on the phone, cooped up behind his curtains, Rachel took this opportunity to close the barriers of her makeshift room for some privacy. She would be calling Finn.

She unlocked her phone and was glad to see a text from Brody, telling her that he would be home late. This was perfect, her boyfriend would be out late, and her roommate was busy. She had just enough time to give Finn a quick call without anyone in the loft knowing she did. Rachel didn't bother scrolling through her contact list, she went straight to the dial pad and dialed Finn's number from memory.

Her heart began a faster beat at the sound of the ringing in her phone. It rang twice. Four times. She waited patiently for him to pick up. Because of her anxiety, she didn't even realize that no one would pick up until she heard the automated voice leading her to his voicemail.

Ready to hang up, she held her phone away from her ear. She let her body fall backwards onto the bed and sighed. She was unable to keep her mind from racing.

Maybe Finn wasn't ready to be her friend. Maybe she was too straightforward with her speech in Lima? What if she pushed him further away from her, instead of bringing him back?

Rachel shook herself back to reality, deciding that Finn must have been busy with something. She can't expect him to immediately drop what he was doing just to talk to her. Yes, that must be it. He was busy and it was late. Maybe he was tired?

Considering the time, Rachel decided to just call him again in the morning.

**~ . ~ . ~**

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	8. Ch 8: Lost In My Mind Pt I

**Decided to split this chapter in two so that there's not too much brain vomit for you guys to deal with. Enjoy! =)**

**_DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE. CHAPTER TITLE TAKEN FROM THE SONG BY THE HEAD AND THE HEART WITH THE SAME TITLE, BUT NOT BASED ON THE SONG MEANING._**

**~ . ~ . ~ **

**Lost in My Mind Pt. I**

He doesn't know how he got there. He doesn't even remember getting dressed. He doesn't know what time it is; hell, he doesn't even remember what time he woke up that morning. All he knows is that he's in his truck in an empty parking lot in front of some diner.

This wasn't the first time Finn found himself somewhere without knowing how het got there. The first time it happened, he had found himself in the middle of the football field at McKinley. That was long before he started sessions with Dr. Sterling, and just a few days after the Sectionals loss. He never told anyone. The second time, he found himself standing at the gates of the Lima Memorial Cemetery. Though it spooked him, he still hadn't told anyone about his excursions. The next time it happened, though, he started getting worried. The third time that his body had a mind of its own, he found himself parked at the Berry's driveway. It was a good thing no one was home, or else he would have had some trouble explaining himself to his ex-fiancé's fathers. After that, he promised himself that if it happened again, he would tell Dr. Sterling. If it happened for a fourth time, it must be something he should be concerned about.

Finn, now out of his internal reverie, looked at the clock on the dashboard. It was four in the morning. He checked his surroundings and noticed that the sun hadn't even made an appearance yet. The sky was still somewhat dark, but it held a tint of lightness to it, which gave signs of an early sunrise.

The diner looked familiar but he didn't have the energy to think about it. Finn started the car to get himself back home but stopped when he noticed a figure on the steps leading to the entrance of the establishment. The hedges that lined the rails of the stairs prevented him from getting a proper look at the person. All he saw was a trail of thin grayish smoke floating above its head. The person must be a smoker, and by the looks of its carefully tied up hair, it must have been a woman. Finn decided to let the person have a quiet time and pulled out of the parking lot. Just as he was about to exit the strip, he took a better look at the woman. She looked familiar too but he couldn't quite remember from where.

As Finn drove himself back home, he thought of what the random bouts of unawareness could mean. Why was it that when his mind shut itself off, his body took control of itself? Does this mean his body has a mind of its own? What if this was his body trying to tell him something? Did it have anything to do with his subconscious? Was that even possible?

Finn thought of what he would say to someone trying to explain this. How could he describe, let alone explain something he didn't even understand himself? In fact, what would they think of him once he revealed his secret? Would they think he was crazy? _Probably_, he thought, _they'd all think I'm out of my mind._

But that was exactly what it was. How could he make them understand that when his zombie moments happened, he was literally out of his mind? His mind was elsewhere, while an unknown force controlled his body to go places. _Oh, they'll definitely think I'm crazy_, he thought.

* * *

When he got home the house was dark, and his parents were still asleep. It won't be another few hours until they woke up. He quietly slipped into the kitchen and carefully made a pot of coffee. Sleep had already escaped him, so why bother go back to his room and try to get some more shuteye, when all he would end up doing is stare at the ceiling until dawn? He sat on a stool by the island counter to wait, staring at the coffee maker willing it to do a faster job.

The reason for that was the silence. Finn doesn't like silence, especially when it's the deafening kind. It's when he's enfolded in stillness when he remembers the things he's lost and failed to do. It's in the silence when his thoughts keep him trapped. It was smothering. When everything else took a rest and all that was left was the stifling silence, Finn felt like the world would crash on him. His mind would race and he would always think of the worst.

There was a time when he couldn't sleep, and he had spent the night in bed patiently waiting for the sun to rise. There was nothing left to do and all that was left was the stillness of the night. That night, he had experienced one of the worst times where he let his mind take control of his feelings. That night, his mind convinced him that Rachel Berry was better off without him. It was the night before the day he sent her for the 4:25 to New York. It was the night when he realized that he was nothing but her ball and chain. It was the same night when he decided to give up trying to get things he knew he couldn't get, and to go for other things instead.

This time though, he couldn't let that happen again. He had to do something. He had to talk to someone. Finn checked on the coffee, it wasn't even close to being halfway done. To kill some time, he dug for his phone in his pocket and dialed a number, completely disregarding the time.

"Hey bro, what's up?" He said, attempting to sound cheerful.

"Finn? Why the hell are you calling me?" The person harshly whispered.

"Oh, were you still sleeping? Sorry about that."

"Of course I was still sleeping! It's only… _Finn_, it's four thirty in the fucking morning. What the hell?" The person sounded exasperated. "You better have a good reason for waking me up so early. I was having a great dream about—Wait… Is my dad all right?"

"What? Burt's fine, Kurt. I'm pretty sure he's sleeping right now." Finn walked around the counter to prepare his mug for the coffee. "So… How've you been? How's life? I feel like we haven't talked for days!"

"Finn, are you drunk? We talked just two days ago."

"Yeah… Exactly. It's been days! I mean, is it so wrong for me to miss my little brother?"

"Okay, first of all, I think you need to get your watch fixed. Secondly," Finn pressed his phone closer to his ear since the line had gone quiet. He was about to hang up when he heard Kurt take a deep breath and calmly said, "Come on big brother, what's wrong? Because something has to be wrong for you to call me so late at night, and I'm sure it has nothing to do with your blatant ignorance of the time."

"It's nothing," He lied "I just… I'm awake and I needed someone to talk to, you know?"

Finn heard Kurt sigh before saying, "So… You're okay? Nothing's wrong?"

"Yeah! Everything's just… Fine." Finn wanted to guide the conversation away from him. "Hey look, I'm sorry I woke you up. I can call another time if you want."

"Nah-uh. You called. I'm awake. We'll talk. So, what did you want to talk about?"

Finn didn't really know what he wanted to talk about. Honestly, he just wanted a distraction from the silence. He wanted someone to divert his mind from going to that dark place. He wanted to do anything that didn't include letting his mind drift away and start making him contemplate the things he didn't want to think about. Now that he had the opportunity to get away from those thoughts, he didn't know what to do. He found someone who was willing to talk, but he had no idea what he wanted to talk about.

"Finn? Are you still there?" Finn could heart the concern in his brother's tone.

"Yeah, right. So…uh, how's NYADA?"

"Really Finn? You want to hear more about NYADA? Well, I already told you my stories the other day. I don't really know what else to say." He heard his brother yawn.

"Look, Kurt. It's all right. You should just probably go back to sleep anyway. Don't you have class in the morning? I can call you on Friday instead."

"Are you sure? Finn, you don't sound like you're doing okay."

"I promise I'm fine. Go back to sleep Kurt. I can just call Puck." Finn begged. Kurt didn't seem like the right person to steer him away from his thoughts. In fact, it sounded like Kurt wanted to talk about them. Finn didn't want to have to do it, so he had to end this call.

"Okay then. But Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't hesitate to call me if you need anything okay?"

"Sure lil bro. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Finn hung up the phone. The silence was back. He watched as the coffee started dripping faster, and he couldn't help but think. He started thinking of what Kurt might have heard in his voice that made his brother think there was something wrong with him. He started thinking of what others thought of what happened to him. What did Puck think when he denied all his invitations for nights out on Thursdays? What did his mother think of whenever he had to drive himself to his appointments? Finn thought of Burt and his own cancer treatments, how that changed his life but he was still able to pull on through. How come his stepfather, a man who was trying to overcome something worse than what he was going through, was able to continue with his life like nothing had changed? Finn wondered why he couldn't do that too. His issues were much less relevant compared to Burt's, yet he still couldn't find the right thing to motivate him to live properly.

Finn sat back down on the stool and continued to watch the coffee. His thoughts kept on flowing. Wanting to stop his mind from over-thinking, he grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled as hard as he could. Maybe if he tried to hurt his head, the thoughts might go away. When it was clear that attempting to remove his hair from his scalp would of no help, Finn decided to violently hit his hands on his temples. The first hit wasn't so bad. The second hit, though, made him a little dizzy. His eyes started to blur after the third hit. The fourth hit made him tear up.

He wasn't sure what he was doing anymore. He just wanted the thoughts to go away. He just wanted his mind to stop for a minute. For once, he wanted a break from his mind. Before he knew it, his tears became sobs. His coffee now long forgotten, as he let his head drop on the countertop.

Finn was unaware of the noise he made. He was oblivious of his parents' appearance by the archway of the kitchen painfully watching him. Thinking he was alone, he let his tears flow freely, letting his body convulse. He had never cried like this before. Sure, he's cried a few times for different things, but this time, he cried because he was exhausted. He was exhausted with himself.

There wasn't anything he wanted in the world right now than to be himself again. All he wanted was for the self-pity to disappear; he longed to know what he wanted to do with his life. He wanted things to be back to normal, maybe go to school, or help with the Glee Club, maybe get back with Rachel. Except Finn knew that it wouldn't be easy. Things had changed, and his record showed that luck was never on his side.

He wanted to do something about it, but he didn't know where to start. First, he had to get rid of the thoughts. He just didn't know how.

* * *

Kurt was worried. From the time he knew him, his stepbrother had never woken him in the middle of the night from a call. Had they still been in high school, Kurt would have just assumed that Finn was simply drunk dialing him. But these days, the circumstances were different. Receiving an unexpected late night call from his brother, who just happened to be dealing with mild depression, gave Kurt many reasons to worry.

Finn knew very well Kurt's new schedule in New York. Ever since he started juggling NYADA classes with part-time work at Vogue, Kurt found that capping a long day with a good night's sleep was necessary to keep his energy running. Finn understood that, and usually respected Kurt's unusual tendencies.

The call gave Kurt a strong suspicion that something was wrong the moment Finn had willingly disrupted his schedule. From the sound of his brother's strained voice on the phone, he could tell that Finn was having a bad night. But what could he do from hundreds of miles away? It wasn't as if he could just hop onto the next flight to Lima just to check up on his brother's wellbeing. It wasn't that easy. Money was tight now with his father's treatments, his brother's therapy, and his acceptance into NYADA. He couldn't just keep on taking flights back home whenever he wanted to. He wanted to help his family, but he felt useless in New York. There was really not much he could do to help all the way from another state.

But what if Finn's condition had worsened? What if he was the only one his brother had called? What if Finn planned on doing something that would endanger him, and no one back in Lima had a clue about it? Kurt knew he had to do something. The only thing he could think of was to call his father. Kurt took his phone from the dining table and dialed his father's number. He really hated telling on others, but he had to do something. He had to make sure his brother was safe.

"Hey dad. Sorry to call so late." He paused and waited for his father to stop panicking, "No, I'm fine. It's just that… Finn called me a few minutes ago and there was something about his voice that told me something was wrong. Can you just, check up on him please? I'm really worried, dad." He took a deep breath. "You're right, I'm sure he's fine, but can you just do it please? I don't want him to do anything stupid, that's all." His father seemed too calm for this conversation, which made Kurt wonder how many times this situation happened with Finn at home. "Okay, thanks. Just text me or something to let me know. Okay. Love you too. Bye dad."

Kurt waited a few minutes in the kitchen for his father's response. He didn't really know what to expect. He knew that Finn was fine, but he had to make sure. For most of his life, he's had to live with just his father. But when his family had joined with the Hudsons, his heart added two new slots for the new people he learned to care for. He and Finn had a rocky start as brothers, but as time went on, they found that they could get along pretty well. Finn continually surprised him with his seemingly natural brotherly affections. He never once thought that they would mesh so easily as brothers, but by now, Kurt had forgotten how a life without a brother was. He already imagined their kids in the future as close cousins while they watched them play in the garden.

All Kurt wanted to know was that his brother was okay. It took a few more minutes until his father texted him:

**_[[Finn doesn't look too good, but he's ok. Go back to sleep. Love, Dad.]]_**

Kurt didn't know how to react. Finn wasn't fine yet he was okay. What did that even mean? How was he supposed to go back to sleep with this thought in his mind? He didn't know, but decided to go back to bed anyway. One thing he didn't want was for his roommate to find out about his worries.

He stood up from his seat, quietly put the chair back under the table and made his way to his "room". Kurt jumped in surprise when he saw the one person he wanted to avoid sitting on his unkempt bed. He plastered an unconvincing smile on his face and said, "Rachel, your own bed not warm enough for you?"

"Kurt," She whispered, eyes shooting straight into his. "What's wrong with Finn?"

**~ . ~ . ~**

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Oh and REVIEW. Thank you!


	9. Author Announcement

**ANNOUNCEMENT**

Dear Readers,

I apologize to anyone who thought this was an update. Due to the shocking news of Cory Monteith's sudden death, this story will be on hiatus until further notice. I realize that it is against the website's rules to post non-chapter/story updates, but I felt this had to be expressed.

Finn Hudson is my favourite character on Glee, and the one with whom I could relate to the most. Cory Monteith is one of the few actors that I openly idolize, therefore, it is very hard for me to continue this story any time soon.

I understand that as Cory, Finn, and Finchel fans, we are going through the same whirlwind of emotions regarding the shocking news of his passing. So I hope you understand my choice to put The Floater on hold.

I appreciate all of the reviews, favourites, and follows, especially after the eighth chapter. I won't forget it. Since I hate to keep people waiting, and I hate to leave things unfinished, I will make sure to finish this story for the sake of closure. Not just for the story, but for myself as well. So if you still want to see how the story ends, please follow the story and you will get an ending once we all feel better. If not, then I am truly sorry.

R.I.P Cory Monteith. You will definitely be missed.

Sincerely,  
_PaperBallThoughts_


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